Lamplighter Ministries More about our Ministry What are the Rare Collectors? Read Counseling Transcripts Need Counseling? Request Mark to Speak Send a Donation Partner with Us Frequently Asked Questions: What are the Rare Collectors? Shipping Information Return Policy Submitting book suggestions and Manuscripts Will you be at a conference near me? Do I qualify for a discount? Resources: Request a catalog and newsletter Receive discounts and updates via email! View Conference Itinerary Start a Home Business Give a gift certificate to a friend or family member Recommended Resources		The following counseling sessions are transcripts from counseling sessions Mark has had with people from various parts of the country. All counsel is given free of charge. Any donations given to defray the cost of this aspect of our ministry would be greatly appreciated. Click on a title to view more. $20 Bill Recently, the Lord gave me a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the power of His awesome grace to one of my sons. This son phoned me at the bookstore one day and said, "Guess what, mom... I found a $20 bill in the pocket of one of my pairs of shorts." Immediately I discerned that what he was telling me probably wasn't the truth. But I congratulated him on finding the lost money and we speculated that it was probably some forgotten birthday money... Anger and Listening! ...My oldest, 11 year old boy, is very much like me, which is good and bad! This grace thing is very hard on him as he wants vengeance when one of the other one wrongs him or even does something else that they shouldn't. He is very angry... Assumed Disability I have a 15 year old daughter who is extremely angry ! I don't know what to do for her... Attention / Learning Disabilities - Environment of Grace If it were not for my adventurous imagination, school would have been like solitary confinement in a maximum security prison. In elementary school my high grades reflected only my ability to memorize facts... Breaking the Bondage When He Is Older Comments on older children fiercely defending their new independence and rejecting authority are so true. But now that mistakes have happened, how can parents help their grown children out of this attitude?... Cheating, Low Self Esteem, and Fear What we are struggling with here is that our oldest child is not very motivated. She is eleven years old. We are really struggling with her and want to know what it is that we can do to get her motivated... Children Who Conceal their Sin While your children are still young, the most important thing is to create a relationship where they are not afraid to admit their faults. In old Eli's case, his sons were never confronted with their behavior... Choosing Your Battles Wisely ...She seemed to think that part of his rebellious attitude stemmed from me being too assertive with him. She talked about some boys fearing being controlled by women and really feeling threatened by a women... Complaining About Homework I wanted you to know that something finally broke with my son. He began the same way out with his math on Tues. morning. "I don't know it, it is too much for my mind," and on and on... Counseling to ADD I need direction in how I might parent more then just a strong willed child. My son is adopted he has ADHD... Cultivating School Spirit I am amazed at how few parents come out for some events but I think there is much desire to learn how to parent... Disciplining Toddlers Enjoy! Smile a lot! Laugh a lot! Especially while their young! Make sure that your toddlers see mommy and daddy as their advocates not their adversaries. Too often we think that unless we break a toddler's will then we have failed in our responsibility as a parent... Dishonoring younger Siblings He is uninvolved with us again, (and I still find things he's destroyed, his brother's  drawers being ransacked....he has denied these things) and the relationships are hungry for his kindness, but we pray for him and love him... Does Grace Work? I carried a lot of anger and resentment toward my children. I viewed their disobedience as a personal offense against me. I was exasperated by their lack of self-control and emotions. My oldest daughter is very strong-willed, and her temper tantrums were outrageous.... Dyslexia-Home schooling-and Family Pressures We have come along way in the past year and my 8yo is just almost reading fluently, yet my 7yo still really struggles with just recognizing her alphabet, it seems to confuse her terribly... Eighteen Year Old - Grace Really Works! You changed my attitude toward my 18-year-old son at a crucial time. He is a sophomore in college... Emptying The Reservoir I had to have my way, the wrong way. Indeed I didn’t have to give in about the canceling the service but I could have dealt with it so differently. I needed to acknowledge his frustrations and looked for alternatives. I needed to affirm all of his hard work and show that I appreciated him... End of My Rope My plan was to churn out some compliant children and now that it's been blown I have no Plan B!! Can you give me some advice or recommend some resources... Fearful of Church Our almost 8-year-old son has never gone to Sunday School without fighting and complaining. At two years old the workers would have to peal him off me when I went to drop him off.... The Four Styles of Parenting and the Four Types of Foolishness in Children First TIme Value - A Second Chance I was immensely encouraged to hear that "it's never to late" (for my heart to be changed.)  I have struggled with going to bed every night knowing that once again, I had crushed my son's spirit a little more that day. Since hearing you speak, I have immersed myself in God's  Word,  being reminded that  He has not dealt with my sins mercilessly, seeing more clearly than ever His love and grace.   (Ps 103:8-13) ... God Works Behind the Scenes He will be nine this July.  I have been making efforts to connect with him better and offer mercy.  I have messed up many, many times.   I do believe he knows my love for him is unconditional, though... He Knows Our Frame He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us... Her Heart Was Won Wthout Her Father's Permission We have known his family for about ten years and the two grew up together.   He let his interest known before he or she was mature.  Her heart was won from the young man without her father's permission.   He intended no harm, he was just young and immature in letting his interest known before the fruit was ripe... High Risk? My son is 23 years old, married, a Christian, faithful to church, and we enjoy a pretty good relationship, with one exception. Against my wishes and advice, he rides bulls. He does this semi-professionally and is, I am told, very good at it. I have advised him against it... Infuence or Control - How should a husband lead? Being a man, I know that there is an innate awareness and "calling" to protect my wife and children. No one had to teach me this. However, if I love myself more than I love my wife or children, my motives will lead to actions that are controlling, accusatory, and demanding... Irresponsible, Forgetful, and Preocupied with the Cell Phone She is fiscally irresponsible.  She flies by the seat of her pants when it comes to doing her school work.  She doesn't want to spend anytime with her family.  She sleeps with her cell phone and I'm not exaggerating...  Laziness I saw your tape listed on laziness. Aha! Just what we needed for our lazy son! I ordered the tape. The day before the tape arrived we had a great and shocking disappointment in the life of our 14 year old son... Laziness #1, by Mark Hamby "A lazy child is so contemptible" (Fenelon), especially if he continues in his laziness into his teen and adult years. A slothful person, according to Solomon, "will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing..." Laziness #2, by Mark Hamby I would like to review briefly for the benefit of our new readers. Children who appear lazy at home or school, but willingly work themselves to the bone for someone else, are not lazy... A Lazy Child and Music Lessons It is funny, that although I am changing for the better, my oldest one (11 year old boy), is changing for the worst right now.  His attitudes are worse.  He gets very angry and then lies about what I did or said... Leadership - The Day Daddy Became a Sheperd One of my most memorable experiences as a shepherd was the day that my sheep followed me for the very first time. This event, however, didn’t take place overnight. For five years my sheep refused to follow me... Mentoring Boys, by Mark Hamby Several months ago I read the book Raising A Modern Day Knight, and it served as the instrument that God would use to make significant changes in my thinking and actions as a husband and father. The seven characteristics of manhood have served as the catalyst that gave birth to... Mercy Will Help You Find Grace Yes, I read Families Where Grace Is In Place several years ago and I hate to admit it but it just didn't make sense to me. I didn't understand it. I sort of got the concept of grace but I couldn't figure out how to put it in practice... Model Child What Went Wrong It's rather humorous when you tell your stories, I can IMMEDIATELY see where YOU went wrong...Why is it so much easier to see those things in OTHERS' situations before I can discern my own... Motivating Your Children My question: “How can I motivate my children to follow God, obey me and do a job well, etc.?” Motivating Teens I'm looking for something to challenge my 16 year old. He just seems to lack motivation in any area right now... Our Son is Out of Control The first thing I learned was the problems we are having with our son are an indicator of the status of our marriage... Patriarchal Controversy The question you asked on the way home that night about the "patriarchal message" that's been going around the homeschool circles really struck us... The Picnic  They got upset that I was requiring them to do something before we left, and attitudes were evident.  I tried not to let it get to me and was successful  at remaining quiet while they huffed and puffed but tried to do what was asked. However they were so upset that eventually one of them said something about having to clean up someone else's messes and before we knew it they were scuffling. More words were exchanged including "stupid" and "idiot."... Piercing (Body) We homeschooled...she was a model child... Today, my daughter calls me to tell me she wants to come home for my birthday this Friday, but that I might not want her to... Please Help (Part One) Ok I'll give e-mail a shot. My greatest hurt.... brothers death (he's w/ Jesus) Past sins (but I am forgiven) Greatest need....to walk like Jesus... Please Help (Part 2) Question About Anger and Pouty Young Children ...We have six children all under twelve. We continue to strive to have their hearts. It seems to me that somewhere around age 4 to 5 in our house we can clearly see anger (ex: pouty lips... Rebellion You and your husband have entered closer to the heart of God. You can now understand a little of what He goes through on a regular basis with us. It is interesting that you write to me. I am presently working on research that deals with adolescents who are in your sons position... Rebellion, by Mark Hamby If a child has been under the dominion of dictatorial or detached parenting, they often express the deep longings and hurts of their heart through rebellious actions of... Resistant Child All day long I tell God that I don't know what to do and He is helping me, very slowly.  I still spank, but much less.  I've never been out of control as a parent, but I hate the drill sergeant thing that has been going on...  Rude, Mean, and Lazy Child Now I am a 43 year old home schooling mom with an 11 year old boy, 9 year old girl, 6 year old boy.  Life has gotten rather challenging and I don't have any answers... Scares Me to Death I panic when I see them going down the road I did.  I wasted too many years in sin, not even knowing God.  I missed many things.  It is a wonder I am alive.  I know God had a purpose for me... Should I send Him to School? ...I feel God has changed me very much but I also feel despair that the damage (yelling at him, punishing too harshly, too much pressure, expectations) I've inflicted on him has made a lasting impression... Servanthood Parenting - Does it Work? I was feeling very overwhelmed raising my 4 children. Last night I found a beautiful letter under my pillow from my oldest daughter who is 11... Sibling Threats-At the End of My Rope! I'm new to grace parenting....I have liked and read everything sent in the last 2 weeks. I have been told that our 3 1/2 yr old is strong-willed. But he is very loving many times too. I don't like labels... 16 Year Old, Sexual Sins I mentioned to you that our son ran away at the age of 13. He was gone for 2 nights. We did get counseling for about 1 yr. and it was helpful but the counselor did not express any kind of faith in Christ... A Strong-willed Parent and a Simple Act of Loving Kindness! I'm a strong-willed parent who is SLOWLY being conformed to the image of Christ..." The Strong-Willed Child How do you act as your child/teen's "advocate" when he/she is a very strong-willed person who automatically takes an "attack" mode whenever you say the word no... The Work Should Be Done Before I Return! Is it possible I don't pay attention most of the time and miss much more?? He has taught me how much my words alone affect him dramatically. Teething and Super-nanny My Almost 15 month old daughter climbs out of her crib at night and then comes into bed with us.  Both my husband and I aren't getting much sleep.  I am finding myself yelling a lot during the day at my children and my husband is worse than me... Thirteen Year Old Son - Aggressive Behavior I am not sure where to start... I don't know if the problems we are having now are associated with hormones or what. He has become very aggressive. Thirteen Year Old Son 2 Both my husband and myself have been parenting out of anger and frustration, and without consistent boundaries. Our son is the oldest of four children and he requires so much attention, that it wears us out. I will get the books you mentioned and we both will read them... This is Working! This morning both boys were doing mean things to each other.  When I asked why they were doing these things to each other, they both used the other as their excuse... Tired of Fighting Listening to your stories about you and Jonathan was helpful, and convicting. And I heard myself yelling at my boy. Ouch! The screaming and demanding certain types of behavior. I have always known it is wrong but didn't know what else to do.... Unequally Yoked: A Desperate Mom and Her Departing Teenager Please God, put a division between them. If they're not meant to be together, if M____ is not going to take a stand for You, if W____ is not going to get saved through all this, please put a division between them. Value and Worth I believe what you teach about handling our kids with grace is true in my heart, but it doesn't seem to be working with my 7 year-old son... What Does Grace Look Like? My question is about grace. You say to give up control and be more grace-ful. But how do you do that and not lose your authority? What does grace look like in the nitty gritty, everyday circumstances of life... Windows of the Heart, by Mark Hamby Jonathan arrived home one evening from a youth group meeting that went later than usual. I was glad to catch him. Early the next morning, my flight for a conference was leaving and so I was hoping to say something to him before I went to bed...