I Don't Respect Him
Hi Mark
I sat in a couple of your sessions. I was so moved by your testimony AGAIN!!! I HAVE ATTENDED AT LEAST 3 OTHER TIMES. I am married 25 years. I have 3 sons 17, 19 and 21. My husband and I do not get along very well. He says I do not submit and we do not respect him. I feel he thinks he is always right, which means my boys and I are always wrong. I feel he wants to run a dictatorship. We are just to do what he says, no questions, no comments. He gets angry and raises his voice. We all avoid him, because he gets angry and yells no matter where he is. Your past relationship with your wife and Jonathan sounds a lot like my current relationship. We were at the conference this year for the first time together (we did not want him to go- he insisted) we hardly spoke to each other. He sat in your session ...don't crush them down squirming the whole time. No, we did not discuss one thing.
I am at a lost of how to honor and respect my husband when he gets angry, yells, speaks negatively about different things going on and gives way more input than any of us want to hear. I no longer feel close to my husband because of the anger and the ugly confrontations. He and our youngest have a near none-existent relationship. the other 2 are just a little better.
What counsel can you give me?
Tired
Dear Tired Spouse:
I love emails like this because they are easy to answer. You asked how you can respect your husband when he acts like this? Simply because God commands it. He didn't say to honor your husband when he is nice. You see, your submission to honor your husband is an act of submission to a holy God by obeying his commandments. Without faith it is impossible to please Him. It sounds like you want to be happy more than holy---God will never allow you to be happy until holiness is your first priority; and this only comes through obedient and sometimes obedient suffering for Him! Does this mean that you don't have any right to confront your husband? No; but your spirit must be first checked with genuine humility, grace, and mercy before you can ever begin to speak the truth to your husband in Love. Love? Love doesn't think of itself, behave unseemly, love is kind, gentle, etc. I recommend reading the book, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong. I have found that in my 27 years of marriage, that when I truly love sacrificially, God allows me to reap the reciprocal reward from those I love the most. It is all about serving. God has called you to be a servant to a difficult individual. He has allowed you to live out his calling in your own home! I know of others who have been called by God to serve in prisons, like the beautiful Esther Ann Kim who was abused by the guards daily, given sewer water and sewer grass to eat and drink. And when they placed a vicious cannibalistic woman in her cell, whose legs were filled with caked feces, Esther walked on her knees and began cleaning this woman's legs with her own dress. God has not placed you in prison to live like this, but He has placed you in just the perfect place to love like this!
It is a journey that we must all take and only those who are truly broken will receive the blessing and reward we all seek. I believe that you are not yet broken.
If I am to help you I need you to read the following:
How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong
Sir Knight of the Splendid Way
Let Go by Fenelon
True Faced by McNikol
Calvary Road
Please update me when you start reading. It is only when our mind begins to change, that our feelings and actions will change,
Servant of the Most High God,
Mark Hamby
PS. Now for the test of vulnerability. Are you willing, to allow me to share you email (without names of course) and my response on our web counseling page so that other can be helped. There are so many woman in exactly the same place and dont know where to turn. Let me know.
