Many troubles/revive me again

From 1982 until 1994 I experienced the height of success in ministry as well as the completion of my M.S., M.Div., and Th.M. During this time I was also the most ill I have ever been in my life. Apparently God wasn't impressed with my success. With severe chronic fatigue, ulcerative bleeding colitis, fibromyalgia, and severe debilitating depression, I painfully trudged through life, trying to make ends meet with a growing family. Trying to complete graduate school, keep up with the demands at work, spend time with my wife and children, keep up with the care of the 22 horses and 70 sheep (how completely stupid that was!--all we needed was one horse and maybe two sheep), and trying to put the idea of the future ministry of Lamplighter into a reachable goal, all came crashing in on me. I was so sick that some mornings I didn't leave the bathroom. But I persevered. But my perseverance wasn't helping me get better...it was really only making things worse. After twelve years of being sick, I finally had to drop out of seminary with only my thesis to complete. But my mind just was unable to focus. I prayed and prayed and prayed. My marriage began to disintegrate, my oldest son said he hated me, and my life was spinning out of control. God had my attention. He was enrolling me in another school—the school of brokenness and humility.

Then in 1994, I graduated from both schools, and for some unknown reason, God decided to heal me. I knew that this might happen, I just didn't know how and when it might occur; though I was prepared to live the rest of my life in that debilitated state. If that was what would bring God the most glory, then so be it...i was bought with a price; He could do what He desired. And one just never knows. Perhaps in my debilitated state, that was what would reach my children's hearts the most. God's ways are certainly not our ways.

But in 1994 everything changed. I completed my thesis on the life of Jacob (not realizing I was writing about my own life), started Lamplighter, and we moved, not knowing where the Lord would lead us next. This life of faith comes with no guarantees, you know. But God is a gracious God and a God of hope. He can do the unthinkable, if that is what will bring Him the greatest glory. God is always thinking of our best interest as well, when He does what He does. Noah's flood for example was an act of divine grace. If mankind would have continued in their continual state of violence as the Scripture describes, the human race would have eventually destroyed itself. God destroyed in order that His creation could be saved. The confusion of languages at Babel was also God's protection. Otherwise, man would have remained in a state of self-centeredness apart from a loving God.

So when calamity comes and sickness prevails, remember that God has only our good in mind. In Psalms 71 we read these most amazing words:

"You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again."

Our God is a most amazing God…most amazing.