Torn but Healed:
experiencing abuse from her husband and some very dark times in her home.
She wrote to me today because she was concerned that some women who might
find themselves in similar situations would read yesterday's blog and think
that I was saying that they need to submit to an abusive relationship. If
you have read my earlier blogs you would know that I believe abuse is never
to be submitted to unless God places you in a Joseph situation that is
beyond your control. But concerning physical abuse in marriage, there are
laws that can protect us, as well as the protection that can come from our
brothers and sisters, pastors and deacons, and family whom we should turn to
when we find ourselves victims of illegal abuse. And even then, I strongly
encourage the victim to see beyond the sin and see how God might still use
them in a redemptive role in their marriage and home. I have heard and seen
too many stories of God's redeeming power to believe that God can't change
the worst circumstances. The question is, are we willing to try for as long
as it takes. Below is the letter I sent to this sister tonight. Please pray
for her. To be in an abusive relationship is a dark place to be; she needs
protection and hope; a hope that does not disappoint.
Dear Sister in Christ: I was listening to a message by James McDonald
tonight and I thought of you. I need to share my heart with you. First, I
can't imagine going through what you are going through. But because I
believe and know this to be true, that God is the One working behind the
scenes to work all of this together for good, then I want to encourage you
to be strong and at the same time yielding and persevering. What do I mean?
The fact is that God brought you and your husband together. And most men
will never be all that they are to be without a faithful wife behind them.
Whatever you do, I plead with you to see through, beyond the sin of your
husband and see the possibilities, the redemption of your marriage and home.
This doesn't mean that you don't call 911 if you are being physically
abused. It does mean that if you do something like that, that your husband
also knows that you committed for life to be all that God desires you to be
for him. It is not an easy role...God never promises relief, only
redemption. This is God's training ground for you and you have been hand
picked to be the woman to help this man...but more so to be the woman to
glorify this great God. In Hosea 6 we read, "Come, let us return to the
LORD. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He
will bandage us." ______ God is involved in all of this. He is not causing
your husband to sin, but He is allowing it for a reason. Here are some
facts. Divorce is not an option. God is going to work this out through you
and he will protect you...and you have laws that will protect you but you
need to take advantage of them if needed...this will take faith...you need,
rather, must, be under the care of a godly pastor whom you can turn. Your
husband must know that you are in this all the way because you are committed
to seeing all that God desires for your marriage and for him. Can you do
this? are you willing to try?
posted by Mark Hamby | 12:58 AM
1 Comments:
The other night...sitting across from 'my' counselor, it is hard for me to trust, very hard....as we talked about me, my history.. and the difficulties that brought me to her chair.....the topic of what my kids need from me came up... she said something to me that was not only affirming of the grace and love My Heavenly father has for me and of course my children, and inviting for others who might find themselves in my shoes...it is proof that we, children of God... and are 'willing' and and willing means to have a heart that wants to do the right thing, as we learn what He wants from us, as we learn of our role in the circumstances we find ourselves in, I am finding that learning is active, it doesnt wait until it is achieved...we learn as we go.....following with a true heart, a heart that desires truth, righteousness...I have been there for some time now, I may not always do it right, in fact I often learn by my mistakes and my own lack of mercy for someone else, it is then my Father works on my humility and selfishness... but my heart is deeply tied to my Father, I desire to do what is right and good....even if hard...and i confess, sometimes when it is hard, I shy away from Him...but it proves to be at a cost...the cost of peace and understanding...
She said...'children need three things....they need height, in that they need to be confident they need to know they matter to someone, (our children matter let them know outside of our pain and hurt which they have nothing to do with)...they need weight, in that they need to know that their words matter, that they will be heard, (listen to them, even if you dont know what to say)...and they need warmth...they need affection, emotional, physical and spiritual...all forms....it might sound easy..but for me, I did not know any of those things growing up and into my marriage..so how do I give it?...still today, I struggle to understand what they all mean to me, I never had any of those things....but here is the miracle...I said to her..with a gasp..'my children have all of those things....how is that..!?"..I have not had any of those things...!...she said..."So, you see the work of the Lord in your life..as it pours out onto your children, when you do what is hard...when you do what He requires of you....when you listen and follow...it flows out onto them in grace and understanding.."...I found and realized that following hard requires strength I can only get...anyone can only get, by following in faith and trusting Him with the outcome.....I still make mistakes...and will until I am with Him...but following through the muck, the mire...the storms that have come my way, they still come...keep your sights on God, He really will show you the way...He really will.....following only needs to start with one small step....with Him...going means stepping one step at a time....we cannot conquer it all in a day...one baby step at a time....just one and He will give the strength for the next....but we must take the first step on our own...
Proverbs 25:4..."Remove the dross from the silver, and there shall come forth a vessel for the finer.."
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