Body Piercing
We homeschooled...she was a model child...
Today, my daughter calls me to tell me she wants to come home for my birthday this Friday, but that I might not want her to because this same man has now pierced her ear cartilage. I was calm. I talked softly. I calmly told her that the young man who performed the piercing had no honor for us as parents because he knew how we felt about him doing that to her, and that obviously he cares not the least about our feelings or her relationship with us. I told her that was indicative of his lack of character... Character that she may well want to examine further....that she needed to realize what kind of husband, father, friend he would really be since he apparently lacks some basic understanding of how a biblical parent/child relationship should be.....
Apparently, he did question her getting the piercing for he knew how we felt... Her response to him was , "Well, they're not supporting me anyway." So obviously, she doesn't have a great deal of concern about our feelings either....However, I think I'm accepting this.... not as right, not as something I can even overlook, but just as something I cannot change. Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I proud of her? No. But I just pray for wisdom to know exactly how to respond... This is hard... I keep hearing you talk about praying for wisdom. You said we could have it INSTANTLY, didn't you? I think you said that....Let me tell you, I need divine wisdom with every word that comes out of my mouth when that girl is around me.... I find her that offensive.The hardest thing for me is to even look at her. Be happy to see you. Tolerating her behavior is just exhausting for me..... This is really a hard, hard thing for me, Mark. Somehow, the seminar I attended has encouraged me to keep on searching for the wise and helpful things to do for her....I sometimes simply don't have a clue what that is......I cannot condone, but what EXACTLY do I do? What do I say? I hear the scriptures promising me that the words I need to speak I will speak. That is my prayer.
Thanks for listening....
Reply: Body Piercing
Oh my friend. I feel your pain. I know your pain. Please trust me when I tell you that you are not seeing clearly. Your daughter needs you more than ever before. Because she doesn’t respect or value your rules, she is making decisions that bring her the most fulfillment. Her character and her relationship with her parents are the real issues. When our relationship with our children is broken, how can we expect them to follow our rules? Piercings etc. are not the issue. The heart is. When our children are older and violate our rules, we need to express our concern but not our condemnation or condescension (behavior that is against the law or harmful to others is different. This type of behavior needs to be handled with tough love, with consequences.) If our children view us as the adversary, they will continue to seek others for their unconditional acceptance. The problem as I see it, is that you and your husband have placed a higher value on her purity and external “appearance” than whatever it takes for her to walk with God. This may be the path that God will use in your daughters life to bring her to her senses. In the meantime while she is going through these rough waters, she needs mom and dad more than anyone else in this world. You asked for wisdom, well here it is:
Wisdom from above is FIRST pure, then peaceable!, then gentle, then FULL OF MERCY, it yields. …In this list of mercy responses, you need to decide which one you need to exercise the most toward your daughter and this young man. We need to all ask God to give us His heart toward our children. In the wrong choices of our children, we can begin to understand how God feels about US. But despite our wrong choices, He has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. In fact He will be with us always. His grace is always sufficient.
Sincerely,
Mark Hamby
