Cheating, Low Self Esteem, and Fear
Dear Mr. Hamby:
I was fortunate enough to see you this past spring Atlanta at the homeschool convention. I have been thinking about homeschooling my children for several years. My wife and I finally decided after going to several conventions and being able to here a good bit of speakers speak (including yourself) that we would really like to give this form of education a chance. I am almost certain I heard every seminar you gave at the Atlanta convention. What we are struggling with here is that our oldest child is not very motivated. She is eleven years old. We are really struggling with her and want to know what it is that we can do to get her motivated. My wife and I also have a four year old and another on the way. My wife works at the Church nursery a few days a week and I have a full time job that ranges far more than forty hours a week. My wife and I where a bit overwhelmed when we had my daughter tested (Before we decided to home school her) and in subjects she was above and beyond in the government schools she tested very poorly. Below actual grade level. Mark my wife and where really devastated with the results. We knew then that if we do not take some sort of action that her education would not reach it's maximum potential. We believe that we need some guidance in what we need to do or really how to get this to be something she would want to do. I thought we were on track and we recently have caught my daughter cheating at test when she is in the process of taking them. I would also like to know how it is that or if there is some information that I may find threw you about this. We really need some guidance and would like it from you. You touched my wife and I with a lot of what you said in your seminars and really want to get this information from someone like you. Thank you for your time and I look forward to your email.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family
Concerned Parents
Dear Concerned Parents:
Here goes. Motivation is based on what we value. First find out what your daughter values. Then use her value to motivate her. I would not be concerned with low test results. I had extremely low test results throughout school and today have 3 master degrees and now working on my Ph.D. I found something that I value! Concerning the cheating, this is a red flag. One of the main reasons for cheating is fear of consequences or low self esteem. From what I have learned so far from your email, my guess is that her parents have placed pressure upon her to get good grades. Is this true? If this is not true, then I would go more in the direction of self esteem. In this case we would focus on doing everything in our power to enable her to be successful in at least one area of her life, and let her shine! I would require less and make a big deal out of small accomplishments. A good book for you to read is the Education of a Child by Fenelon.
If fear is the reason for cheating, then it is not the child than needs help, it is the parents. Parents who place undo pressure upon their children cause them to live in fear. As the level of fear increases, the level of reasoning and risk decreases. Parents need to learn how to show unconditional acceptance and be committed not to place responsibility above relationship. This is key. Well I hope that I have provided some direction.
If you are going to homeschool, make it “fun”. A lot of fun, a lot of joy, a lot of laughing, a lot of love!
Let me know if I can be of further help,
Because of Him,
Mark Hamby
