Children Who Conceal Their Sin
Dear Lamplighter:
I just attended a Character to the Core seminar with Mark. I have a comment in the form of a question. This relates to his statement regarding a child concealing something because of anticipated judgment....
Was God wrong in judging Cain....is that why Cain desired to conceal his murdering of Abel? Or does our OWN guilt lead to our concealment? If we had not sinned, we would have nothing to conceal! Is it not a parent's job to judge? Eli did NOT judge his sons and God held him accountable..... None of his sons was worthy to become priest. Eli didn't correct nor carry out judgment which could have brought reform...
I am very concerned about people who are afraid to judge..... What is life without judgments..... God IS a righteous judge....Judgment is something we ALL will face..... so why are we wimpy about judging our children's behaviors? Do we tell ourselves we are wrong if THEY have something to conceal? Did I hear you right today?
Thank you,
Concerned Parent
Dear Parent:
That is a very good point. I agree with you about correction but not about judgment. We are not to judge. By the word judge we mean one who passes judgment or condemnation. We are to correct, chastise, reprove etc but not judge. I think the Scriptures are clear on not judging. I think you might mean discern rather than judge.
Concerning God with Cain, this is an excellent example. Even though God knew Cain would kill his brother, God still did not condemn him prior to his actions. God tried to persuade him but he still didn't listen. If we as parents are passing judgment upon our children or are condescending, or have a guilty until proven innocent attitude, then our children will conceal their faults. If a child is concealing their faults because of their own guilt then this child needs to be dealt with firm but loving discipline. If the child continues in this behavior then the discipline needs to be appropriate for the offense. Your example of Eli is good except that these boys were breaking the law and should have been stoned. Judgment would have been appropriate in this case, but not meted out by their father, but by the elders of Israel. They're offenses had gone far beyond any corrective measures. While your children are still young, the most important thing is to create a relationship where they are not afraid to admit their faults. In old Eli's case, his sons were never confronted with their behavior. In your case, your children are confronted often and this could have the same effect when they are older. If they are afraid of your harsh judgment then the problem is with the parent not child. When I sin, I am not afraid to go to my heavenly Father because I know he loves me and I know that He is faithful and just to forgive me for all my sin--all the time! John also teaches that there is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear because fear has punishment.
Children who are fully loved, fully known, without any fear of rejection, will be less likely to conceal their faults and more willing to confess them.
I hope this is helpful.
Because of His grace,
Mark
Recommended Resources:
(click on a title to see description)
- The Lost Ruby (excellent book on concealing sin and paying the consequences)
- Tom Watkins Mistake (focuses on a brother and sister who conceal their sins and reap serious consequences)
- The Highland Chairman (a father and son reap the consequences of unwise choices)
- The Hedge of Thorns (crossing the boundaries that God sets for us and the inevitable consequences)
