Dishonoring Younger Siblings
Hi Mark,
A quick update on my son. The month without driving/many amenities seemed to do his heart good. He even became involved with us in building our chicken house, and it was wonderful. The children commented about how nice he was being to them. It was really different. Thanks to a good friend, who is a manager at a chain, he obtained a job at a grocery store. He had been working for us, with us 'doubling what he earned up to 600.00'. He opened a checking account and is faithful to make his payments on insurance and truck so far. His attitude, however, is more like it was before the whole trying month of March. He is uninvolved with us again, (and I still find things he's destroyed , his brother's drawers being ransacked....he has denied these things) and the relationships are hungry for his kindness, but we pray for him and love him. Do you have any thoughts on what to do when I find these kinds of dishonoring of others' things? I know that none of the other children would do these things, and I ask them to make sure, but I always find them after the fact. Since he has denied the last two incidents, I have considered taking the keys for a day or two, but then there is work (so I could deny all but that) to help his heart come around again. I don't want to accuse him without reason to believe he was the perpetrator, and pray for discernment. There was a change when he lost some of his priviledges, and I was thinking about charging money for damaged things, but now I don't pay him since he works at the store now.
Dear Parent : Concerning the dishonoring of other's things, I would try first to honor and value him. Talk to your children and have them think of ways that they can bless their brother, even if he doesn't deserve it. Have you ever read the book, Amy and Her Brothers ? This book describes your family exactly and will give your other children hope and examples of how they can bless their brother. Let's take this road first, then let's discuss the ground rules of consequences. I believe that if he is the guilty person, then his sins will find him out. Leave conviction and the revealing of sin in God's hands. I have never seen anyone get away with sin yet. So there will be plenty of opportunity for consequences. For now, let's build into his life as much support and unconditional love that is possible, with all of the family members, so that when the time comes when he needs support the most, he will turn to his family and not the world. Until his sins find him out, don't accuse. Trust me, his sins will find him out and then you can deal with consequences. Again, the book that I suggested is an incredible story of a brother who takes advantage of his sister and younger brother; but their response to him is of the utmost love and kindness. This is a story of the ultimate forgiveness and reconciliation. Please stay in touch. "Dear Heavenly Father, I believe that this child is running from you. Please bring him to his sense as you did with the boy in the Prodigal Son story. Lord, please help him to see that his current ways are leading to frustration and loneliness. Help him to turn to you Lord, God. May he sense the whole in his heart that can only be filled by you. Help us all Lord, Thank you for answers to prayer."
Mark
Recommended Resources:
(click on a title to see description)
Teddy's Button and Little Sir Galahad are excellent because they teach about the battle within. You want your children to understand that you are on their side and that you are fighting the same battle. Another great story that ends in a sister dying because of the actions of her sibling is The Coveted Bonnet. This story is in Fireside Readings Volume 2. My last recommendation is Amy and Her Brothers. This is an awesome story on sibling rivalry.
