Good Girl, Tough Girl, Part Girl
Join me in uncovering a part of who I am.....
Secret Survivors ...( you should read this one too..)...pg 299.." Facing a problem is rebirth. Frequently I am struck by the perfection of this symbolism with regard to many types of clients,but none more that the woman who is working to resolve the aftereffects of incest. Purifying a sin that was not hers ...( kind of like Christ..huh?)
I cannot wait for you to read this book...please..how long do I have to wait!!?
Let me share this with you...but you have to promise...NO laughing out loud..you can chuckle to yourself.....not at me..but with me...understanding
The Wounded Heart .. Ch 9.. Style of Relating..-"There are as many styles of relating as there are people. Nevertheless, there are some general patterns that can become common styles of relating for those who have been sexually abused: The Good Girl, The Tough Girl, and the Party Girl..( guess..!..ok... so no surprise...)..
The Tough Girl is the classic take-charge, task-oriented, no-nonsense ramrod, whose heart may be as good as gold, but is usually just as hard. The hardness often is a result of being controlled by other-centered contempt.....The Tough Girl is a woman who lives behind thick, impenetrable walls.
Internally , the Tough Girl is above her own feelings, suspicious of others' motives, and arrogant and angry in her evaluations of others. She views human need as childish and unnecessary....a Tough Girl views her longings as sentimental, sloppy and weak; they are a defect that must be eradicated....she sees herself as a able mother, desires her children's respect, wants her husband to more involved, and is sensitive when she is snubbed. At her core, however, her hunger for involvement is severely undermined by her refusal to be dependent on anyone. She views her longings as a sign of weakness whenever she cannot resolve her heartaches on her own. Whoever manages to provoke her intense hunger for rich relationship is to be scorned or avoided. Emotions are to be controlled and conquered so that no one can cause her pain again. All of this makes the Tough Girl suspicious and critical.
With such internal disposition, the Tough Girl is often accurate about motivational issues. Suspicious perception, however, though often accurate, is also a self-fulfilling prophecy. The people in a Tough Girls domain react to her hostile edge, control, and impenetrability by keeping their distance. Often they respect the accomplishments or boldness of her will, but the y do not enjoy her presence or essence. The Tough Girl is appreciated for her perseverance, ingenuity and hard work but feared because of her critical eye and contemptuous power. The honest Tough Girl is a lonely woman. ( All of this with a huge resounding OUCH!...this is me.....hard to admit and very humbling..but nevertheless true...
my desire is to move from up there to down here...It still amazes me that others know me better then myself.....can you imagine how well Christ knows me..?!..
Later in Chapter 12 " Repentance".. This chapter describes the internal change as a result of repentance...
"The Tough Girl will pursue feedback rather than intimidate those around her into never expressing their anger and hurt. When she gets the feedback, she will acknowledge how hard it is to hear, how easy it is to want to retaliate, and how deeply she wishes she could receive the thoughts with greater warmth and tenderness. She will make the choice not to lash out, even though the desire will be strong..
I was told something last week that kind of stopped me in my tracks.." You like to argue"...that hurt...what do you mean...??!...No I don't!!.......But again, I am sure in my current thinking..I am wrong.....I am seeing that there is alot about me I don't understand...and don't realize...but I desperately want to..the desire is mixed with emotions of frustration and some bit of fear...to understand how messed up parts of me are....because of unknown sin....yes, sin that is mine...but at the hands of someone else....I don't want to blame...just assign responsibility.....his and mine.....he was 19...I was 8..( and I don't remember when it ended..)....there had to be a level of understanding on his part...he had to know ,to some degree, what he was taking.....was not his to take....I want to get to the point of complete repentance..for myself and my God....and I believe that when I get to that point ....then I may desire the same for him...I am not there yet by any means.....I still don't feel anything towards him..not even anger at this point....just pain...
