The most remarkable thing happened.
We often receive letters of appreciation but the following letter touched me so deeply, I thought it would be in the best interest of our readers to print it. When I first began sharing the contents with my staff, I couldn’t get past the third paragraph without shedding tears. One of our staff continued where I left off, and she too was so moved that it was difficult to read. I think you will be encouraged as God’s grace once again proves to be “all sufficient.”
Dear Mr. Hamby,
I recently borrowed several of your audio tapes from a friend. The titles included "The Strong-Willed Parent," "The Eighth Blessing," and another on Laziness. I have been greatly convicted and blessed by your teaching. The change in our family life has been dramatic.
When our first child was born 7 years ago, I looked and looked for Christian teaching on discipline and raising godly children. I settled on a "first-time obedience" approach that was popular. My husband willingly went along with it, being as uncertain as I was about how to raise godly children.
I carried a lot of anger and resentment toward my children. I viewed their disobedience as a personal offense against me. I was exasperated by their lack of self-control and emotions. My oldest daughter is very strong-willed, and her temper tantrums were outrageous. The tantrums were not used as a tool to get attention in public or to manipulate me, but they were always directed at me (rarely her father) in the home. Her behavior outside of the home was impeccable. It made it very hard to talk with anyone about this problem. No one believed there WAS a problem, or passed it off as an isolated incident or a “stage.” And no one ever, ever challenged me to remove the log in my own eye. She did not sleep well at night since very early on. She was defiant and talked back a lot. My daughter never completed a chore without intervention from me. She was determined to have her say when corrected. It was an uphill battle all the time, and quite frankly I didn't enjoy her at all.
I read Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson last summer, and I was convicted that I had found a discipline style that suited me early on...and that I had not truly searched the scriptures to find how to reach my children’s hearts. While I thought I was following God's lead, I realize that I had my own agenda and it was a self-righteous one that didn't require me to change. I wasn't willing to consider that my convictions were selfish ones. I confessed my sin to the Lord and began to show more tenderness and self-control with my daughter. I still fell into the old ways often, though.
It wasn't until I listened to your tapes that I really heard some things to apply in my life. Your frankness and honesty about your personality and about your mistakes spoke right to my heart. I could have put my name in your place. I was ALWAYS correcting my daughter, ALWAYS finding fault with her endeavors, ALWAYS saying her name in a way that implied disapproval or correction, ALWAYS fussing about undone chores. I had placed responsibility over relationship. I had a child who was fearful of my correction - that's the root of the sleep problem, and the reason for her unwillingness to try so many things. I was not casting out fear with love. The story about making the bed – ouch! That was going to be me in ten years. You were so transparent as you told of your relationship with the sheep and Jonathan.
I realized that little Sarah had very little chance of earning my approval. I stopped getting angry every time a simple chore was left undone. I stopped spanking. I stopped lecturing. I started cleaning her toys up outside without asking her to help. I went upstairs and made her bed in the morning. She spent a Saturday morning with me to run errands. I asked her what she wanted to do, and that's what we did. The errands got done another day. She loves flowers and gardens; I bought her a ton of seed packets and helped her plant them. She loves to paint; I started painting with her several times a week. I started hanging a butterfly on her closet door at night after she fell asleep, so if she woke up she would KNOW that I had kept my promise to check on her. I started hugging and kissing her intentionally.
In a matter of days, the most remarkable thing happened. I was doing some cleaning, and I asked my youngest to do a small chore, which she did willingly. Without my asking for help, Sarah set about doing chores—big chores that required a lot of effort on her part. She dusted, swept, and washed dishes. She straightened up and put things away properly. It was then I realized what a different child she had become. She sleeps better at night. She laughs more, and she is not as angry. She takes offenses from her younger sister better. She handles disappointment with grace and not anger. She says “yes ma'am” and “no ma'am” consistently. She accepts my correction willingly and changes her behavior when necessary. She cleans up her outdoor toys without being told. She wants me to read to her now instead of just tolerating it. And best of all, she has started talking about the things that are in her heart, and she wants ME to hear them.
When I started trying to disciple Sarah the way Jesus would, she bloomed. She is a joy to be with, and I have lost my anger and impatience. When those feelings do try and creep to the surface I can label them, confess them, and deal with them before they control me.
Thank you for being so honest and sharing so much of yourself as you lecture. God allows us to remember our sins, not so we condemn ourselves repeatedly, but so we can show others what he has delivered us from.
I look forward to reading more of the wonderful books you have published and sharing them with my two beautiful daughters.
Our God is a GREAT God!
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