Influence or Control?

The responsibilities of a father are at times so difficult to balance, especially when children start spreading their in-
dependent wings. Even during childhood a father must balance his role of authority with love, gentleness, and mercy. Men who were raised in authoritative homes are more likely to carry over-balanced authority into their relationships with their children and their wives. Too often, men who are authoritative are blind to their faults, justifying their aggressive behavior in the name of protection and authority. Though there is a fine line between protection and control, there is a test that will help determine one’s motives. It is the test of love. Perfect love not only casts out all fear, but can eventually change one’s temperament. For one’s temperament to be changed, he must desire to be changed and be willing to accept constructive criticism from those he loves.

In the book Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, Stu Weber captures the essence of why men become so out of balance in regard to their authority. He sees man as a King, a Warrior, a Mentor, and a Friend. I would like to add one more to the list – a Priest. Weber goes on to describe that as a King, a man cares deeply, as a Warrior he contends courageously, as a Mentor, he communicates transparently, as a Friend, he connects deliberately, and as a Priest, he commits sacrificially. These core characteristics can have a positive dramatic impact upon a man’s family, but if they are out of balance, they can irreparably destroy relationships. Notice what happens when the pillars of manhood are out of balance: See chart on following page.

Most men who will read this article will be able to identify with the difficulty of maintaining balance in their responsibilities to protect, connect, communicate, and love. I find it interesting that there is more said in the Bible about a man loving than about protecting. Men who overreact in the area of protection may really be protecting themselves. Men who are jealous because of insecurity will become overprotective, overbearing, and display a distrusting attitude toward their wives. Men who are insecure will also try to dominate their children. Again, this tendency for control is the result of insecurity that is overcompensated by thoughtless authority.
Being a man, I know that there is an innate awareness and “calling” to protect my wife and children. No one had to teach me this. However, if I love myself more than I love my wife or children, my motives will lead to actions that are controlling, accusatory, and demanding. When a man’s control is greater than his influence, you can be sure that he loves himself more than others. We do not follow our Lord Jesus because of His control but because of His influence. That is why He washed the disciples’ feet just prior to His crucifixion. He was teaching about true leadership—servanthood and sacrifice, not authority and control.

The Cell Phone Episode! The saga continues…
Given a choice, I would much rather choose control over influence. Controlling my family is much easier. Influencing requires a constant battle with the flesh, a humbling of oneself, and a lot of feet washing! This reminds me of an experience that really helped me turn a corner in this area of servanthood. It was a couple of years ago and I was just getting ready to sit down at our table for dinner. The phone rang, and I reluctantly answered it. On the other end was an urgent request for me to bring a screwdriver to the end of the driveway. The conversation went something like this:

“Hello, who is this?”
“It’s Jonathan, and I need a screwdriver right away!”
__“Jonathan? Jonathan, where are you?”
“Dad, I’m under the car at the top of the driveway, and I need a screw driver.”
“Jonathan! How in the world are you talking to me from under the car at the end of the driveway??!!!”
“Dad, I’m on my cell phone and I need that screwdriver right away! I don’t have time to carry on a conversation!”
“Jonathan, when did you get a cell phone?”
“Dad, come on, I’m under the car trying to hold this part together and I need a screwdriver! I bought a cell phone last week.”
“Jonathan, listen very carefully. It is time for dinner and don’t you ever use your cell phone to call me to do something that you can do for yourself. That is so incredibly lazy!” CLICK!!!

Can you imagine? This certainly was the epitome of laziness. He was at the end of the driveway and expected me to bring him a screwdriver. And then, to top it off, my wife, the servant of all, asked me who was on the phone. With a grimace, I said, “Jonathan.” I guess you would have had to have been there to hear my tone. Then my wife said, “What did he want?” My response: “Can you imagine? He wanted me to bring him a screwdriver – at the end of the driveway!” And then she said, “Oh, where’s the screwdriver? I’ll take it to him.”

“No you won’t! You’re not going to feed his already lazy existence!” At that moment, Jonathan entered the house with a chip on his shoulder and a miserable attitude. Being the “influencing” type of father that I am, I set out to ensure that Jonathan learned that in no uncertain terms was he ever to use his cell phone to ask me for something that he could do for himself. He then made certain that I understood that he would never again call me on his cell phone to ask for anything. “Don’t worry, Dad. I have no plans of ever calling you on my phone. Have a nice life.” We then proceeded to have our nice, enjoyable family meal with my wife not once looking up from her plate, my son swallowing his food (without chewing), and me eating in polite but silent rage. Several weeks later my wife and I had the opportunity to discuss the situation with a friend who happens to posses the kind of wisdom that is rare in these days. It was the perfect opportunity to receive confirmation that — #1, my son is extremely lazy, and #2, my wife should stop supporting my son’s sinful tendencies.

I explained the situation, and before I even finished, I could see that our friend was in complete support of my judgment. Without hesitation, he said, “Your son is extremely lazy, and it definitely would not have been right for your wife to take Jonathan the screwdriver, as that would have only supported his laziness.” Sweet victory at last. Finally, the day of reckoning had come. My wife was guilty on all counts, my son judged a sluggard, and I was innocent of all charges. Finally after basking in the sweet silence of pure victory, our friend looked at me and said, “By the way, your son is just like you.” At that moment, I felt like I was visiting with Columbo. Remember that private detective that always had something to say at the end? “Oh, by the way…”
“What do you mean, just like me? There’s not a lazy bone in my body.”
“You may not be lazy, but neither are you a servant. Your son was acting out the only role that he has seen you model. All he has ever seen or heard was a father who needed a son to do this and to do that, and then when you’re done with this, help me with that, and so forth. He has only seen a father that has placed responsibility above relationship. He has followed the model of a taskmaster and not a servant. Asking you to get the screw driver came as natural as breathing because that is all he’s ever heard from you. Getting that screwdriver would have been the greatest opportunity to begin modeling servanthood. I am not saying that it was right for him to ask you to get the screwdriver, but until he begins to see you “washing feet,” he’s not going to learn to serve.

There it was – truth – staring me right in the face. I used my son’s entire childhood to teach him about work ethic and responsibility but failed to teach him about servanthood. Here was a moment of decision. Was I going to hold onto the truth that could set me free, or bury myself deeper into the rut of self-deception, control, and unbridled authority? There was only one choice for me to make. It was obvious that my son had become just like me, and the only way to break this downhill cyclical pattern was to start serving whenever an opportunity presented itself. This idea of serving required me to be readily accessible to serve my son regardless of any inconvenience. It was amazing that within a few short weeks, I began to see that God had arranged an abundance of situations that flooded me with opportunities to serve.”

The most memorable occurrence was when my son Jonathan asked me to co-sign a loan so he could purchase a Mitsubishi 3000 GT VR-4 Twin Turbo! The answer was quite obvious – not a chance! Underestimating his prowess to be “just like me,” he negotiated a deal with my brother-in-law who was happy to sign the loan for this budding “irresponsible” teenager. My initial thought was, “What on earth is my brother-in-law thinking?” But then after some gentle prodding by the Holy Spirit, I realized that I missed another opportunity. If only God could have arranged something a little less expensive! But then when you think about it, it cost God everything to teach us about servanthood—even His own Son. Now some might think that to co-sign a loan for a car that I didn’t approve of, is going a bit too far, but then, so is dying on a cross. Thankfully, since then, God has given me two more occasions to prove myself worthy servant-leader—yes, you guessed it. Two more sports cars! I didn’t even blink an eye when Jonathan approached me. You should have seen his face. He didn’t quite know what to think, but it sure has left an impact. In fact, in both circumstances, the engines have had serious mechanical problems which required Jonathan to need some serious help—and thankfully, he came to me both times. Isn’t this what we are really trying to accomplish in our relationships with our children? Hopefully, we will be the first that they will come to when they need help the most. Isn’t this what God desires for us? This servanthood model really works and yes, it can be costly. But the dividends are worth the price!

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He has made everything beautiful in His time

Most are familiar with this title as a song with its various renditions, but I’m not sure that many are aware of its origins. Approximately 4,000 years ago King Solomon penned these words as a concluding statement for his most famous poem:

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born A time to die
A time to plant A time to pluck
A time to kill A time to heal
A time to break down A time to build up
A time to weep A time to laugh
A time to mourn A time to dance
A time to cast away stones A time to gather stones
A time to embrace A time to refrain from embracing
A time to gain A time to lose
A time to keep A time to throw away
A time to tear A time to sew
A time to keep silence A time to speak
A time to love A time to hate
A time to peace A time to war

In unique Hebraic style, Solomon communicates meaning not just in what the poem says, but how it means. How it means? Yes, how. The style in which it is written conveys more meaning than meets the eye. At first glance Solomon appears to be listing activities in life that are both desirable and undesirable. At a closer look there is an obvious pattern that begins to take shape. Allow me to explain: In Hebrew literature, words are often structured symmetrically. The beginning and the ending of a poem or narrative often have matching words or phrases. For example, in Genesis 32:32 what appears to be a simple dietary restriction, is actually a poem with the central meaning found in the center:

The children of Israel don’t eat the sinew of the thigh,
Which is upon the hip socket
Because He touched
The hip socket
Upon the sinew of the thigh. (Gen 32:32)

Notice the matching phrases on the first and last sentences (sinew of thigh) and then again with hip socket. This framing device surrounds not only the central meaning of this text but also unlocks the meaning of the entire chapter. It was God’s touch that finally stirred Jacob’s attention; and when God touches you, it is a touch that is never forgotten.
This same structural device is found in Solomon’s poem in Ecclesiastes chapter three. Allow me to illustrate by using UD and DU as abbreviations for undesirable and desirable:

A time to be born A time to die DU
A time to plant A time to pluck DU
A time to kill A time to heal UD
A time to break A time to build UD
A time to weep A time to laugh UD
A time to mourn A time to dance UD
A time to cast away A time to gather UD
A time to embrace A time to refrain DU
A time to gain A time to lose DU
A time to keep A time to throw DU
A time to tear A time to sew DU
A time to keep silence A time to speak DU
A time to love A time to hate DU
A time to peace A time to war DU

Can you see the beauty of this form and how its symmetry flows so naturally? Life is framed with both desirable and undesirable events. This beautiful poem has one serious problem, however, it does not end in the style in which I have described above. Sorry! The last line in the poem is really “a time for war and a time for peace.” I had to show you first how the Hebrew reader or listener would have “expected” the poem to have ended, so that you can both appreciate and also feel the sense of frustration that they would have felt when they reached the last line. When Solomon reversed the order and thus ruined the symmetry, he was making a statement: DON’T BANK ON THE EXPECTED! Isn’t that the truth? We become so disappointed when our expectations are shattered. Isn’t this similar to what he meant when he said, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick?” When our expectations become greater than our faith that He is in complete control, then we will become frustrated, lose our joy, and even try to take life into our own hands.
Solomon is teaching us something very important here: life is filled with both desirable and undesirable events, and they will come in the most inopportune times and unexpected ways. Do you remember how this poem began? “There is a time for everything, and for every purpose under heaven.” Even the undesirable events have both meaning and purpose, and should be expected. So don’t be caught off guard; God is in complete control.
God is not only in complete control, He is also preparing us for something quite unexpected. The next line after the poem states: “What profit has the worker in all his labor?” This question is raised on the heels of the ruined poem. It would have sounded like someone playing a note out of tune at the end of a beautiful song. In other words, “if life has so many undesirable and unexpected turns, then why bother?” Solomon continues by saying: “I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied.” This verse is not easy to interpret. The phrase “God-given task” is translated “travail” in the KJV. The NIV translates this word as “burden.” The NASB translates it as “task.” It appears that Solomon is saying from the context that the unexpected events in life that are designed by God are intended to humble us. This interpretation fits beautifully (no pun intended) with the next verse: “He has made everything BEAUTIFUL in its time.” What a beautiful ending to the poem! What an awesome truth and what an awesome God! He is a Father who only has our best interests in mind. And not only our best interests, but His intentions are to paint a masterpiece—if we’ll let Him.

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Work Worship Women and Joy

If I could re-title the book of Ecclesiastes, it would be Work, Women, Worship & Joy! These four words summarize the entire book. The plot can be summarized in one word – unpredictability. Within our work, our relationships, and our spiritual journey, life is very unpredictable and sometimes extremely unfair. There is one overriding principle that gives the reader some sense of hope and stability in the midst of life’s uncertainties and unfairness, and this is joy. Solomon, in this creative treatise on the meaning of life, appears to suggest at first glance that life is meaningless and vain. “ ‘Vanity, vanity, all is vanity,’ says the preacher,” so why bother? It rains on the just and the unjust. We live and gain, and then die and give it all to someone else who won’t appreciate our sacrifice, while the wicked gain and the righteous suffer, so what’s the use? Like I said, Solomon gives the impression that life is rather meaningless, but those who arrive at this interpretation miss the true meaning of life. In the midst of uncertainty and unfairness and hardships, God desires to encourage us with joy. Joy? You’ll say, “What is there to rejoice about if life hurts us?” Let’s take a closer look, and I think you’ll see life through an entirely new lens. The lens of certainty – that God has our best interest in mind. So enjoy life! Chill out! Breathe a little! God is not out to get you. If you do not have joy, then it may be an indication that you are trying to control what cannot be controlled, so relax and enjoy life. Enjoy your children, enjoy your spouse, enjoy your work, enjoy your God.
ENJOY! This is the message of Ecclesiastes. It is interesting that Hebrews 12 states, “… for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross and despised the shame.” Can you imagine? Jesus endured the cross because He knew that there was going to be unspeakable joy at the end. It really can change our perspective on suffering, shame, misunderstanding, etc. It gives us a new way to look at disappointments – God’s in control, and there’s nothing you can do to change His plan. So stop resisting, relax, and enjoy your life with those who need your love and enjoy.

Psalm 16:11 says, “In thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand are pleasures forevermore.” One of the reasons we fret and lose joy is because we misunderstand how much God loves us and desires to bless us with pleasures forevermore. That’s what it says! Pleasures forevermore. “He will withhold no good thing from them who walk uprightly.” God has your best interest in mind. The rewards of doing it God’s way are past finding out.

Recently, a friend of mine went to be with the Lord. When I first met her, I didn’t know that she was sick. She was always smiling and serving. Our relationship was rather casual. She was the wife of a pastor who had invited me to speak. I met their daughter, their son, and their grandchildren – nice family. Probably won’t see them again. But then, several months later I received a phone call from her husband who asked if I would officiate the funeral. I was honored, but in my busy traveling schedule, I really didn’t think that I could commit to such a request. I had to pray and think about it. So I decided to go and visit them and try to discern if this was something that God wanted me to do. The visit changed me deeply. She now had a 25-pound tumor on her liver, and she was still smiling – still rejoicing and enjoying her family – and above all, her family was enjoying her. Even as I write, I am reminded of her smile. I interviewed each of the family members, and their responses were very similar. Their mother, friend, and wife was a gift – a gift to be treasured. She had lived her life with joy, and it paid high dividends. Her husband said that she had changed him into a gentle person. She said, “It took a long time, but I got him where I wanted him!” Her daughter said her mother had taught her to serve and submit without complaining, and on and on I heard the same testimony – while there she lay on the couch, smiling.

And then the final question to young ten-year-old grandson Zach. “What will you miss most when Granny goes to be with the Lord?” Someone else asked, “Her cookies?”, but Zach shook his head with an emphatic, “NO.” The room became silent, and then Zach looked at me with a steady and firm gaze, and said, “I will miss Granny being here when I come to visit.” That was more than I could handle. I excused myself and hurried out the door in order to regain my composure. There was a valuable lesson learned that day. She had taught us the meaning of life in the midst of suffering and uncertainty – to enjoy the life that God has given with those He has given us to enjoy!

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Sibling Rivalry

The Bible has much to say about sibling rivalry and its causes. It occurred as early as Genesis 4 and resulted in the murder of a brother. Rivalry had turned to jealousy, jealousy to anger, and anger to murder. A closer look at this first sibling rivalry will reveal that Cain wasn’t really angry with his brother, but he was angry with God. Cain was angry that God had not “accepted” his sacrifice as He had his brother’s. “And unto Cain and his offering God had not respect.” Cain’s anger, though not justifiable, is understandable. Seeing his brother’s offering “accepted” by God, Cain felt rejected and became blind to the real problem in his heart. This was not a matter of a wrong form of worship, but an issue of impure motives and pride. God, the parent, made sure that his son understood that he would be “accepted” if he did what was right. It is the first time the word “acceptance” occurs in Scripture, and it speaks volumes. God’s choice of words in dealing with this problem conveys that Cain was an insecure son whose actions prevented him from enjoying the blessing of his heavenly Father. The spirit of gentleness in which God handled his rebellious son is also a very important note here. God did not yell or even punish. He simply asked his son why he was angry, and told him how his relationship could be restored. I wonder how we would have responded if we knew ahead of time that one of our children would kill one of his siblings. Though God knew, He still treated his son kindly, showing him the way to restoration. God’s main concern, again, was the heart.
A second reason for sibling rivalry is jealousy resulting from parental favoritism. We can see this with Isaac and Rebekah concerning Jacob and Esau and continuing with the sons of Jacob. It is interesting to note how this sin of favoritism is passed down through the generations. How severe brothers are willing to be in order to feel justified! As a result of jealousy, young Joseph was enslaved and imprisoned, while his father lived his days with a broken heart, thinking his son was dead.

A third reason for sibling rivalry (I’m sure these reasons are not exhaustive) is that of selfishness on the part of a sibling. This trait evidences that the child is a leader, and desires to be in control. Without proper nurturing, this child can turn out to be a bully, caring little for the well-being or feelings of others. It is essential that this child does not sense that his parents are his adversaries. He will be confronted with many adversaries in his lifetime, and he needs mom and dad to be there when he needs them the most. This doesn’t mean he gets to beat up his brothers and sisters when he doesn’t get his way, but does mean he needs to learn the principle of servant leadership.
If God has blessed you with this type of child, He wants to teach you about yourself, and the true extent of your love. He has allowed you the privilege of influencing this child to be a mighty warrior for the King of kings and Lord of lords. God knew which parents were to be the privileged ones to prepare His warriors for battle. It is an awesome privilege!

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Youth training center update.

Since the last newsletter, we have experienced so many significant changes/
opportunities that it would take this entire newsletter to describe them
all.

Concerning the youth training center, we have chosen to begin the research and development of a “Natural Abilities Assessment Guide” for high school students and young adults. This comprehensive guide will enable parents to assess their children’s natural interests, abilities, enjoyments, likes and dislikes, and personalities, in order to gain the understanding that is absolutely necessary in choosing the right educational model particularly suited for them.

Recently eight of our staff members, including myself, took part in a three-day seminar on determining one’s natural abilities. It was my desire to experiment with this process of assessment in order to discern whether or not we could begin the research to develop a similar assessment guide of natural talents for high school students and even young children. It has been my quest, as many of you already know, to develop such a guide for parents to help their children determine their natural abilities and then have access to the resources and training to cultivate these skills prior to the college years. In other words, parents can begin to objectively and intelligently prepare their sons and daughters for life, not just for college. This does not suggest that college is not important. On the contrary, college, apprenticeships, and skill training can be pursued in connection with a young person’s known and experienced interests.

For myself, the results of the testing were a dramatic revelation. While the test revealed that I am doing what I enjoy most—speaking—conveying truth in order to bring about positive change in others, the dramatic revelation was the fact that what I specifically enjoy the most is using words to communicate in a variety of modes— thus, this article! What I enjoy most in life is using words to convey truth in order to persuade or convince others. Had I known this about myself at an early age, I would have saved thirty thousand dollars on a major that I haven’t used much. I also could have been preparing for my life calling in my early twenties, rather than late thirties.

As I look back upon my life I also learned that I didn’t hate school as I thought I had. It wasn’t elementary school that I hated, it was junior high and high school. In elementary school I went to a parochial school with high morals, strict discipline, safety, and security. I was an A student. When I entered junior high at the public school, my grades dropped, and I literally hated school and anything that had to do with school. The reason for this shift was the absence of structure, the lack of morality, and the insecurity that surrounded me. I could not advance academically in this type of environment. This hatred for academics continued in college as I attended a state university. The fact that I wasn’t a Christian and lacked in the development of my character were also contributing factors. In fact, character (godly character) is the foundation for learning, I believe. It is interesting to note that as far back as early elementary school, my favorite part of school was vocabulary and reading aloud. My natural ability was being revealed even in first grade!

Well, this has been quite the blessing for us and hopefully for you in the near future. For those who have been following our progress in our Youth Training Center and our desire to use master teachers to inspire, instruct, and motivate, we believe that God is leading us first to the development of an assessment guide for you and your children. If we can equip parents to know their children’s needs, then the preparation to cultivate these natural skills can begin earlier than the training we intend to provide. Along with this assessment guide, we would also provide information on our web site concerning resources, magazines, seminars, videos, audios, apprenticeships. We have already begun by introducing an interactive chat room and forum to help us learn from each other’s experiences and provide the best possible learning experiences to prepare God’s children for a life of skillfulness and godliness.

We need your prayers and support. We are prepared to start immediately. We have met with a research and development company on the west coast who is very interested in helping us develop such an assessment guide for parents and children. I believe with all my heart that this assessment guide and the accompanying resources and information will dramatically improve our home schools, our Christian schools, and even our churches. With God’s help, your prayers, and adequate funding, we could have this test available in the near future. If you or someone you know would desire to support such an endeavor, please contact us by email, cfm@epix.net, or by phone, 570-585-1314.

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Blessed are the merciful

In the last newsletter I shared how
I believe the beatitudes (blessings)
are interconnected. You cannot have one without the other. For example, one becomes pure in heart after he exercises mercy. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the pure in heart.

An impure heart is a heart that begins lusting after that which is forbidden. This often occurs in marital relationships. If a husband feels neglected, unappreciated, or rejected by his wife, he must choose between forgiveness (which requires mercy) or stubbornness (which is the sin of idolatry). When a man becomes stubborn in order to teach his wife a lesson, his heart becomes desensitized to the Spirit of God, his discernment clouded, and his heart open to impure thoughts. The door is now open to lustful attractions. This same moral decline is also true for women.

However, if we choose mercy by obeying God’s command to love one another and forgive one another, then God cleanses us and our hearts become purer, and we begin to see God and His ways more clearly. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

 

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Perfect Balance

There are three things which the Lord requires of you: to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly
with your God (Micah 6:8). We are to love by living truthfully and mercifully toward others. Living truthfully (justly) is solely dependent upon the depth of our character. If we value self, our self-interests, our self-comforts, our self-image, then our level of truthfulness will be quite low. A self-centered person spends most of his life defending and rationalizing his actions. Individuals who have to control others find their security in their control. Resisting their control will reveal their true identity.

While the first two requirements, to do justly and to love mercy, involve our relationships with our fellow man, the third requirement, walking humbly, is connected to our relationship with God. In order to walk in truth, we must begin to practice humility. First Peter 5:6 tells us “Humble yourself … and He will lift you up.” Humility is an act of the will as we agree with God, admit wrong, and think not of ourselves more highly than we thought. Webster’s 1828 dictionary describes a true Christian as one who walks in humility. It is interesting to note that Micah emphasizes that we are to walk humbly with God, not necessarily with man. This is what I mean by agreeing with God. As we experience strained relationships with man, the path to restoration is first found in a humble agreement with God. In order to humbly agree with God, we must first know the truth that He has revealed. For example: “Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them,” or “Husbands, honor your wives as a weaker vessel” (a cherished vessel like fine porcelain – beautifully wrought, but easily broken). When a man’s wife is not honoring him or fulfilling her role as a godly wife, the path to restoration is not in authority and control, but in humility and sacrifice. It is in walking in the truth that God reveals. For example, love and don’t be bitter, regardless of the circumstances. This will evidence itself in a confident yet humble walk with God.
This, of course, is relevant to wives concerning love, respect, and submission. Our response to God is yielding to the truth revealed by God and humbly walking in light of it. This truth also applies to parents not provoking their children to wrath, and to loving our neighbor, etc.
Now for the best part: when we begin to value God and His revealed truth, we will desire to live in truth toward others by lavishly extending mercy. It is only after we become merciful that we can begin to restore others in the spirit of meekness (Galatians 6:1). Mercy is the balance between truth toward man and humility before God. Mercy keeps truth from becoming judgmental and offensive and is the evidence that you are walking humbly with God. So when life relationships seem to be out of balance, use this visual image, and you’ll grow in favor with both God and man.

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Pain vs. Passion

Subjecting oneself to harsh self-denial brings no value against the indulgence of the flesh. Though I love the wisdom of Fenelon, I find a serious flaw in some of his teachings. “The Great Physician who sees in us what we cannot see knows exactly where to place the knife. He cuts swift and deep in our innermost being, exposing us for who we really are. But pain is only felt where there is life, and where there is life is just the place where death is needed most. Except a grain of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abides alone. But if it dies, it will bring forth much fruit.” Fenelon 1762. While this is one of my favorite quotes, there is an important element missing—life. We can become so focused on dying to self, that we can eventually rob ourselves of joy. Though suffering and dying to self and self-denial are essential to our spiritual growth and maturity, it is a lonely road without joy. Jesus came that all might have life and life more abundantly. The paradox is that in order for us to experience this kind of abundant life and joy, Jesus Christ had to die. But even while dying, there was impending joy. The author of Hebrews states, “for the joy that was set before him, he endured the cross, despising the shame.” Because of the impending joy, the suffering was worth it. Too often the pain, suffering, and loneliness blind us to the reward and unspeakable joy that awaits us. We can be so “now” focused that our ability to persevere and endure hardships is determined solely by the available alternatives at our disposal.

ALTERNATIVES

As I look back upon the sufferings of the saints, it becomes quite obvious that most of them did not have many available choices that would have relieved their sufferings. Joseph could not have been released from prison any sooner, Daniel could not have left Babylon, Paul could not have escaped his sufferings, John did not escape the cauldron of boiling oil prior to his life as a recluse on Patmos, and the list of prescribed sufferings and loneliness goes on and on. Today we have the option to divorce our problems, to medicate our problems, to escape our problems, to find another job or another church. If all we have is this life, we are of men “most miserable” as the Apostle Paul declares. There is another life upon which we need to shift a focus, a life where the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. Yes, I know it is easy to say, especially if I am not in your shoes. But I do know that the path of suffering does lead to blessings that are full of unexpected joys and pleasures. The enjoyment of these pleasures are determined by our response to the suffering prescribed by a loving Father who knows what is best for His children.

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In the last newsletter we looked at God’s method of maturing His people. He brought them out of bondage in order to bring them in to the land of blessing. But first He had to prepare and prove His people. By prove, I mean test. God needed to test them so that they would know what was in their hearts. In Deuteronomy 8:16, Moses states that He humbled them and tested them so that in the end it would go well with them. God had to put them through the hardship of testing so that they would learn to trust Him as a Father and not forget Him and run so easily after the quick but never helpful fix of other gods. God has each of our lives designed, in the same way He planned Israel’s bondage, wilderness wanderings and ultimate blessing. In which of these three categories, bondage, wandering, or blessing, do you find yourself? Whichever it is, God has you right where He wants you. If you are in either of the first two, you do have something to look forward to. The time that it takes to reach the state of blessing is up to you. Israel took forty years for a two-month journey. I have found no one in the New Testament who understood this process of maturing better than Peter. In Peter’s first letter, chapter 5, he insightfully shares these words: “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, AFTER you have suffered a little while will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” Peter knew personally that suffering was necessary to help make us strong. God does have our best interest in mind. What is so important about Peter’s teaching is what he says just prior to this process of suffering to prepare us. He says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.” God desires to lift us but not before we are ready. What is so significant is Peter’s contrasting statement to Moses. In Deuteronomy, Moses says that God had to humble them to test them, so that they would learn and be blessed in the end. But in Peter, we are to humble ourselves. Can you see the beauty of this truth? The choice is yours. You can either have God humble you or you can humble yourself! If you decide to humble yourself, then God promises to give you His grace, which in turn helps you endure the suffering/testing that is preparing you for His ultimate blessing. Whether your sufferings/testings are your marriage, your children, your job, your health, your neighbor, or your bad habits, the God of ALL grace desires to restore, strengthen, and lift you in ways that you have never dreamed possible.

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