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Angry
Parents - Part II
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The
clearest gauge of whether anger is right or wrong in its expression
is whether it acts to condemn or to offer help,” according to Dr.
David Powlison. Anger is a God-given reaction to offenses that violate
the image and glory of God. When we as parents perceive the offenses
of our children as a violation of our self-interest (rights), anger
becomes a destructive weapon that injures and never helps. James 1:20
states, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of
God.”
Romans
2:4-11 sheds further light on this subject as the Apostle Paul leaves
us with a question to ponder:
"Do
you not know that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?"
Why,
then, do we as parents become so angry?! The answer is really quite
simple. Our rights, our time, our pride, and our very lives have
become
more important to us than the children whom God has placed in our care.
Our own insecurities have become greater than the level of spiritual
maturity that is needed during the times our children need us most.
Situations that stir up anger are our greatest teaching opportunity,
only if we can see beyond the offense and into the heart of our child.
The prophet Nathan didn’t become irate when confronting King David
with his adultery and murder. In fact, he approached David with a story,
and concluded with the statement: “YOU ARE THE MAN!” A story
and statement is all it took to break the heart of the king.
What
Should We Do?
First, we must recognize that our improper anger is evidence that we
are out of control. Admit wrong. Get help, for “in a multitude
of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14). Seek out a godly
pastor, counselor, or older couple who love the Lord. Take off your
mask and allow yourself to be helped. If we truly desire to be like
Christ, then we must be willing to humble ourselves, pray, and seek
His help through others.
Secondly,
no matter how wrong the other person might be (especially our spouse),
anger that condemns is wrong. Anger should confront and then instruct.
Never should one be without the other. Anger is a natural response
to
evil. Anger is an unnatural response when it is triggered by selfish
motives. When we are tired, inconvenienced, and impatient, anger
can
be controlled. Controlled anger stops the offense and, then, calmly
instructs. Remember, both God and Satan get angry. Righteous anger
protects
the glory and image of God while sinful anger protects the image of
ourselves. When Paul says to “be angry and sin not,” he makes
this statement in connection to the righteousness and holiness of God
(Ephesians 4:22-27). This portion of Scripture also teaches that uncontrolled
and unresolved anger gives a foothold for Satan (Ephesians 4:27). For
centuries Satan has dominated homes by beguiling us to believe that
our image was more important than God’s. It is now time that we
confess our faults one to another, especially to our spouse and children,
and allow God to fill us with His love, joy, peace, longsuffering,
and
gentleness. It is never too late to change. There is no situation in
life that is beyond the life-changing power of our Awesome God!
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The
Lost Lamb
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During the springtime of 1994 I decided to add another breed to our
flock of Dorsets, Suffolk, Hampshire and Finn. The Cheviot was a breed
that I did not particularly like, but cross breeding with my Dorset
ram would give me smaller lambs that would grow into a healthy breeding
flock. A neighboring shepherd sold two of his eight week old Cheviots
to me, and I brought them to their new home with great delight.
Realizing
that the adjustment to a new home would take time, I prepared one of
the horse stalls for the transition. If I hadn't seen it with my own
eyes, I would not have believed it! Both of them scaled a five foot
wall and made their escape. I called to Jonathan, Jennifer, and David,
and the four of us began the chase. We ran for what seemed like hours.
They were so quick that it was impossible to catch them. We were diving
and running into each other, and it became evident that we would not
catch them in this fashion. Unfortunately there was a section of fence
that they crawled under which allowed them to escape through the woods.
I pursued them on foot until the sun set and, then, returned home for
a flashlight. We tried everything to lure them, but nothing worked.
I
knew that if I didn't find them soon they would not survive the night.
While walking through the woods with a flashlight, I was reminded of
David risking his life when he fought the lion and the bear. Here I
was, out in the woods, late at night, and by myself. Why? I couldn't
believe it. These lambs were not mine except for a financial transaction,
yet I felt committed enough to search into the night. Can you imagine
how much more God is committed to us, to love, protect, and go searching
through the night if need be. He never leaves us, nor will he forsake
us.
Unfortunately,
I didn’t find them that night. The next morning the search continued,
but again they were nowhere in sight. My only consolation was that
I
had not found their carcasses. Too often we too run away from the safety
and security of the Good Shepherd because we haven't learned to trust
Him. He demonstrated the greatest evidence of love through the sacrifice
of His Son, yet, for some reason we run from His protection.
Believer,
is the Good Shepherd placing you in a new environment with new experiences?
Do the changes that you are experiencing bring fear? Remember, perfect
love casts out all fear. He loves us with a perfect love—for what
father would give his son a stone if he asked for bread, or a scorpion
if he asked for a fish? He who has begun a good work in us will complete
it until the day of Jesus Christ. Who shall harm you if you be followers
of that which is good? “For who shall be able to separate us from
the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution,
or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Neither death, nor life,
nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor
things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall
be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus
our Lord.”
Regardless
of how bleak the circumstances may seem for the present, all things
really do work together for good. Though some may even mean it for evil,
God always intends it for good. I know of no bad endings with God. The
most difficult and nightmarish situations are just platforms for God
to show Himself strong on behalf of those who are weak. For when I am
weak, He is strong. Never forget that His strength is made perfect in
our weakness.
Too
often we get our eyes off the Lamb and focus on the circumstances. When
we are willing to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him,
it is then that God begins to do exceedingly abundantly above all that
we could ask or think.
Regarding
my lost lambs, I put up a lost sign at the local post office.
I
can imagine what people thought when they saw the sign (This guy is
losing it!). Well, the very next day I received a phone call from the
post office stating they overheard a conversation and knew where my
lambs were. I was delighted and asked where they could be found. The
post office lady said that she was sorry, but couldn't give out that
information. I proceeded to tell her that kidnapping (even though they
were lambs) was a federal offense, especially for postal workers. To
be even more convincing, I reminded her of all the bizarre post office
shootings and bombings. After a long and hearty laugh, she told me her
reason for withholding the information.
On
Easter morning an eight-year-old daughter of a single mom discovered
in her backyard a most wonderful surprise—two little lambs. The
little girl believed that they were God's gift to her as she ran into
the house shouting for her mom to come quickly! Now what does a mom
think of when her eight-year-old daughter says that there are two little
lambs in the backyard? Well, seeing is believing! That is exactly what
she saw—two little lambs. What a great God we serve! Not only
did He fill the heart of a lonely child with great joy, but He gave
me a
wonderful opportunity to build a bridge into another life.
On
Monday, the day after Easter, this same mom entered the post office
to pick up her mail. To her disbelief, she would see the sign, and,
I'm sure, was sadly disappointed. Can you imagine the scene? They
had
experienced great joy on Sunday, and now she had to tell her daughter
that she must give up her lambs. Realizing that the pain would be
too
difficult, this mom decided to ignore the lost lamb sign and keep the
lambs. However, a perceptive post lady noticed the unusual behavior
of the mom while she was reading the sign. She then did what any
guilty
conscience should do—call the owner and tell him that she knows
what he wants to know, but can't tell him! I reassured the post lady
that I wouldn't dream of taking the lambs away from this child.
They
were able to keep the lambs, and I have had a wonderful opportunity
to minister to hurting hearts and another broken life. We serve an awesome
God, and He makes no mistakes.
"All
things do work together for good, to them who love God."
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Celebrate
the Resurrection with Traditions that will Last a Lifetime
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You
Are There—Easter Eighteen years ago while driving through Michigan,
I heard this dramatic version of the death, burial and resurrection
of Jesus Christ on radio. I was crying so hard, I had to pull the car
over to the side of the road. There are two cassettes for 14.99. You
and your children will fall in love with the Savior all over again with
You Are There—Easter.
Chronicles,
Kings & Crosses Digger Digwillow thinks the Bible is boring until
he is sent back in time and revisits an episode in history that will
change his life forever. Out of all the Adventures in Odyssey albums,
this one is by far the best! Twelve thirty-minute adventures take children
and adults back in time to relive some of the most dramatic events of
the Bible. It features the Resurrection, Moses & The Passover, Elijah,
Back to Bethlehem, Sodom & Gomorrah, and Joseph.
Titus:
A Comrade of the Cross Written in 1894, this book has captured the life
of Jesus Christ as no other book I have ever read, except for the Bible.
Within two weeks of the original printing of this book, the demand was
so high that 200,000 copies had to be printed in order to keep up with
the demand! This is a keepsake your children will cherish.
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Mentoring
Boys into Men of God
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Several months ago I read the book Raising A Modern Day Knight, and
it served as the instrument that God would use to make significant changes
in my thinking and actions as a husband and father. The seven characteristics
of manhood have served as the catalyst that gave birth to the following:
a real man of God is someone who has:
A
Will to Obey
A Work to Do
A Woman to Love
Before I reveal the last four foundational principles to manhood, allow
me to address the significance of the first three. Jesus came to do
the will of His father, the work of the cross, and the woman to love—the
Church.
A
Will to Obey
This is the very first characteristic that a child picks up from his
dad. The way a father obeys authority figures over him is always caught
rather than taught. Our children are watching and listening, especially
to our relationships with the church staff, our co-workers, neighbors
and our spouse. Much of what they see and hear lays the foundation for
a submissive or rebellious spirit for the rest of their lives.
A
Work to Do
Most men do not enjoy their work. One of the reasons for this is that
they are not using their God-given talents, abilities, and gifts to
their fullest potential. It is possible that they have not yet identified
these talents. As a result, these talents remain latent and untapped.
These men go through life without purpose or meaning. They often immerse
themselves in hobbies because of their low self esteem. Men, it is
never
too late! Begin praying that God will reveal His divine purpose for
your life. If the answer does not come immediately, do not give up—pray
without ceasing and persevere. God may just be testing you, to see
how
serious you are in this pursuit.
You
must be willing to take a step in faith, for without faith it is
impossible
to please God. However, do not confuse faith with stupidity. Faith
never endangers our family or steps outside the boundaries of God’s Word.
Seek out godly counsel. Talk with your pastor and several other godly
men whom you respect. Through prayer, counsel, circumstances, and diligent
searching through God’s Word, you will be led in the direction
of His will. Do not force the issue. It will come naturally. Our God
is our Father and desires what is best for His children. He does not
desire to confuse us.
The
earlier these decisions are made the better. If you are dissatisfied
with your work, however, make sure that your change in direction
is
not to get out of an unpleasant situation. It was God’s will for
Joseph to be in prison, for Paul to be in prison, for Daniel to be
in
the den of lions, and for Jesus to die upon a cross. Please, do not
misunderstand me. I am referring only to the relationship of your talents/abilities
to your work. The stress, the environment, or the difficulty has nothing
to do with this pursuit. The fact is that too many Christian men are
not using the talents that God has given them. Therefore, they become
frustrated with their work, deny their children of their heritage,
and
rob the church of untapped talents that are so desperately needed.
A
Woman to Love
Out of these first three foundational principles of manhood, I believe
the third is the most important and most difficult to implement. Simply,
our relationship with our wife is an indicator of our relationship with
Jesus Christ. If we would begin to realize that one of our most important
responsibilities in life is to love our wives as Christ loved the Church
and gave Himself for her, God would begin to transform our families
in a most miraculous manner.
Another
problem is that we crowd too much into our lives. Early in our marriage,
relationships begin to be strained. Children are born, and somehow
we
feel left out. We begin to focus on our work and our hobbies, and we
neglect what is most important—our relationship with the wife
of our youth.
If
we truly desire to be conformed to the image of God, then we need
to
love and care for our wives better than we care for ourselves! I don’t
know why, but it took me seventeen years before I began to understand
this principle of loving my wife more than I loved myself. I can blame
it on immaturity, blindness, and selfishness. Regardless of the reason,
my love for self was greater than my love for my wife. This is sin—plain
and simple. Things really didn’t change until I began to pray,
“God, do whatever it takes to change me into your likeness.”
The only problem with praying such a prayer is that you’d better
be prepared to be stretched beyond your wildest imagination. Remember:
“God is faithful, who will not allow you to tempted above which
you are able, but will with the temptation always make a way to escape
that you may be able to bear it.” No matter how frustrating it
may get, allow these circumstances to change you. Place no expectations
on your wife. Do not desire to change so that she will change. That
will take place in God’s timing. Allow God to change you as you
begin to focus on one of your most important responsibilities in life:
Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.
The
last four foundational principles that are an integral part of Christian
manhood concern the fact that a real man of God:
Rejects
Passivity
Accepts Responsibility
Leads Courageously
...And Expects the Greater Reward for Doing So
I would highly recommend all men to read the book or listen to the
audio tapes regardless of the age of their children or their children’s
gender.
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Teaching
Ideas
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Two
years ago I desired to celebrate the resurrection of Christ in a
rather
unique way. Since the term “Easter” originated from a pagan
holiday (hence the Easter egg and all its tradition), I wanted my children
to associate something far more meaningful than an Easter bunny and
his eggs. Since bunnies do not lay eggs, you’re more than welcome
to try this:
Locate
outside, or make out of miscellaneous household items: a crown of
thorns,
large nails or spikes, a red or purple cloth, a reed (a mock imitation
of a scepter), a piece of old wood, a hammer or mallet, a spear (preferably
homemade), a jar of vinegar and a sponge. Involve the children in
making
or finding these items and then wrap each one in aluminum foil. Hide
the items in various places outdoors. Rather than making this a contest
to see who can find the most, have each child find only one item.
After
one item is found, that child can help the others in their search.
Once all of the items have been found, seat the children and ask
them to
tell what each item represents. We sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows.
This gave me another opportunity to simulate what it must have been
like when Peter denied Jesus while he stood by the fire outside the
high priest’s palace.
Each
child should have his Bible, depending on age, and as each item is presented,
have him read the related passage. The chronological reading of the
arrest, trial, crucifixion, death, and resurrection of Christ is not
necessarily a part of this exercise; another family devotional time
could be spent in this manner.
Purple
cloth: Mark 15:17,20; John 19:2
Crown of thorns: Matthew 27: 29; John 19:2
Reed: Matthew 27:29
Jar of Vinegar: Matthew 27:28
Sponge: Matthew 27:48; Mark 15:36; John 19:29
Spear: John 19:34
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Literature
Review
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Christie’s Old Organ A heartwarming story of a motherless little
boy who has nobody in the world to care for him except an old organ
grinder. This story is guaranteed to melt even a heart of stone!
Jessica’s
Mother This is the sequel to Jessica’s First Prayer, and I believe
it will be the best seller of the year. This is another classic for
the entire family.
Joel:
A Boy of Galilee If you read Titus: A Comrade of the Cross and loved
it, let me introduce you to Joel. This is a story you will treasure
and talk about for years. You and your children will never be the same
after you read this one!
The
True Princess A story that teaches children the value of true servanthood.
The teachings of Jesus concerning the greatest in the kingdom really
come to life in this classic story accompanied with beautiful artwork.
This book is presently out of print, and we have limited quantities.
$15 $13
The
Legend of Squanto “Discover the incredible story of American history’s
least known, yet most compelling figures as it unfolds in ‘The
Legend of Squanto: Pilgrim of the Heart.’ ” Cassettes $15.99,
CD’s $17.99
Age
of Opportunity A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. By P. Tripp.
$14.99
Sequel to Shepherding A Child’s Heart
You
are Special “The world says, ‘You’re special if. . .
.if you have the brains, the looks, the talent.’ God tells them,
‘You’re special just because. No qualifications necessary.’
Only one of those messages will find its place in their hearts. That’s
why every child you know needs to hear this one, reassuring truth: ‘You
are Special in His Sight.’ ” $15 $12.99
Lass
by R. Gebauer. Parents and grandparents will find guided discussions
for each chapter to help children learn about trust and unconditional
love. Written to be read aloud with children ages 5-10, Lass's story
will teach the same 'Lessons from a Sheepdog' which thousands of adults
learned from Kellers's original book. $12.99
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