ISSUE 3 [Table of Contents] Mentoring Boys into Men of God Parenting Tips Literature Review Jottings... The Sparrow Angry Parents - Part III A Tribute to Mothers Mentoring Boys into Men of God A father's role in his children’s lives is vital. Even in homes where a father is absent, male role models and mentors are essential. Recently, as a nation we were shocked to read about the shooting deaths of four children and their teacher. The accused thirteen-year old and eleven-year old had chosen to follow the path of aggression that was modeled by their peers. The male leadership in each of their lives had remained distant and passive, and the Godward orientation of their hearts remained darkened. Allow me to explain. Our children are shaped through the Godward orientation of their hearts, the influence of their parents, the influence of their peers, and the influence of their heroes. (We will discuss the influence of peers and heroes in future articles.) In the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, the Godward orientation of a child’s heart must be considered at all times. A child’s relationship to his God and Savior must be in the forefront of any real character influence or spiritual growth. This relationship is nurtured most effectively by the powerful shaping influence of a godly father as a living, loving role model. A man’s most powerful shaping influences are his relationship with his God and his relationship with his wife. For seventeen years, I was blind to the most significant shaping influence in the lives of my children--sacrificial love for my wife. I spent years leading wonderful, creative family devotions, providing incredible family experiences, involving my family in rewarding ministry opportunities, but for some reason, my children were not responding to my leadership. As a result, I began to place more pressure on the family, more demands...more devotions! Soon it became evident that what was meant to be rewarding and fulfilling had become a trap and a snare. What went wrong? My words spoke louder than my walk! Our sons need to know that our highest calling in this life is to love, cherish, protect, and honor our wives. We must love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. We must recognize our wives as the weaker vessel. We must nourish and cherish her with the goal of some day presenting her to Jesus Christ pure and unblemished. We must love her more than our own bodies. The term weaker vessel carries the idea of a priceless vessel that is extremely fragile. It is a vessel of fine porcelain wrought by the most skilled craftsmanship. It is to be delicately carried to its final destination. When Abigail of the Old Testament came to David to prevent him from killing her brutish husband, she said, "My lord, you are bound in the bundle of life with the Lord your God." Abigail’s statement describes exactly what God means by the weaker vessel. "Bound in the bundle of life" is an expression that describes a valuable vessel that could be easily broken. It is wrapped in soft material until it is cushioned enough to protect it. The vessel is then placed in the arms of the carrier who holds it until it reaches its final destination. It is then unwrapped and displayed for all to see and enjoy its beauty. Men, our wives are fine porcelain, beautifully created to be our completion. I have found that generally the only thing that prevents our wives from performing their God given role of beautifier and completer is us! As beautifiers, I mean that our wives possess that sacred beauty that Adam first saw when he awoke to his new companion. It is that same beauty that so attracted us when we said, "Will you marry me?" By completer, I mean that our wives are God’s gift to help us become all that He desires us to be as fathers, husbands, workers, and men of God. Mentoring boys into men of God requires time, commitment, and focus. The primary focus is not to teach our sons with words, but with tender love for our wives. It is at this stage, then, that our children will desire to listen to our words. ^ table of contents Parenting Tips "Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord..." Shepherding a Child's Heart Dr. Tedd Tripp Families Where Grace Is In Place Jeff VanVonderen Raising a Modern Day Knight Robert Lewis Raising Worldly Wise But Innocent Kids David Wyrtzen All God’s Children and Blue Suede Shoes Kenneth A. Myers Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart Stu Webber ^ table of contents Literature Review "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Proverbs 25:11 New Book Found! Recently a friend loaned me a book that she thought I would like. She was wrong. I love it! I think I would almost place it in the category of The Basket of Flowers. Though not a rare book, it is definitely among my favorite books that I will read and enjoy for years to come. Devotional in style, it contains beautifully colored art work of famous paintings, quotes from godly men and women, and Scripture woven throughout. Allow me to present to you, A Shepherd’s Heart–Drawing Closer to the Heart of God by Paul C. Brownlow. Following is an excerpt from one of its pages... "So when the Apostle Paul tells us to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1), he is telling us to imitate a shepherd, to look like shepherds, to act like shepherds, to think like shepherds, to have a shepherd’s heart. While there are numerous passages that describe God as a shepherd, my favorite is from the poet/prophet Isaiah: He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms And carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11 I love this simple picture. It is the story of a shepherd leading his flock to higher ground. The old mother ewe with her lamb is having trouble keeping up. It is difficult terrain--the rocks are large, the thorns that tear and pierce her flesh are sharp, the climb is steep. In the midst of this difficult journey she knows that if she falls too far behind, the wolf or hawk will feast upon her and her tender lamb. She wants to keep up, she knows she needs to go on, she wants to follow but just cannot. What does the shepherd do now? Does he scold her for being weak? Does he angrily announce his intentions to find some "better" sheep? No. He stops, reaches down, cradles the lamb and puts him inside his tunic. There the lamb is safe, there he knows he is protected, there he can feel the beating of the shepherd’s heart. At this point, the shepherd pats the old mother ewe on the head and gently encourages her with the words, "Come with me. We can make it." And at a slower but steady pace, they together renew their climb to higher ground. That is what God does for us. That is what we are called to do for each other: to nurture and encourage, to show compassion and concern, to let those around us feel the beating of our hearts." ^ table of contents Jottings... The Scriptures teach that the wounds of a friend are more faithful than the flattering words of those who really do not love us. I have found that to be very true in my life. I may not have enjoyed "the wounds," but I have learned much that has been an important part of bringing my life more into conformity with that life-style revealed in our Lord Jesus Christ’s perfect example. The keeping of a journal has been an important part of my own spiritual growth. In my journals I have kept record of the Lord’s "wounds"--those happenings, both small and large, those joys or sorrows, those moments of intense instruction, and those times of desperate clinging to the everlasting promises--because my memory fades. I do not want to figuratively remove the old landmark because I have not remembered that which the Lord has taught. I have also kept record of God's working in the individual lives of my family. Our family experiences, those that mark growth, change, and service, are also an important part of my jottings. These will stand as a reminder of God's goodness and constancy in our lives. Should the Lord tarry and I pass from this life, I trust that my writings will be a record of God’s faithfulness. May I commend the practice of journal writing to you? You do not need to write every day, but write as the Spirit of God moves you very specifically. You will find it an important exercise in praise and worship, as well as a recounting of the blessings which we are instructed to name one by one. ^ table of contents The Sparrow "Consider the work of God..." One of the most seemingly insignificant birds ever created was the sparrow. They are often seen in our backyards, especially when there is bird seed to be found. I’ve seen sparrows from Pennsylvania to California, and from Michigan to South Carolina. Jesus spoke of the sparrows found in Israel. In fact, sparrows can be seen all over the world! God created this little bird with a special purpose. The sparrow is our reminder of God’s value on our lives, of His protection and care, and of His promise never to leave us nor forsake us. What a powerful message illustrated by such a little bird! Jesus said, Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And one of them shall not fall to the ground without your heavenly Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31) Do you know where sparrows make their nests? God created the sparrow to build its nest as close to mankind as possible. Usually a sparrow’s nest can be found in your bushes or in a tree near your house. That is why the sparrow is usually the first bird on the scene when bread crumbs are thrown out the window. God has placed this little bird within our reach so that we might be reminded of His value on each of our lives. So the next time you see a sparrow, take full advantage of the opportunity to remind your children, as well as yourself, of God’s value on your life. Sparrow Resources: There are three resources that I highly recommend. Of course, my favorite is the book The Basket of Flowers. This rare treasure is filled with biblical illustrations from nature. In a beautifully guilded hardcover, this two- hundred-year-old, illustrated volume. Call toll free 1-888-246-7735. There are also two magazines that I would recommend. One is called Creation Illustrated, which is similar to National Geographic, but from a Christian perspective. It is filled with photographs, teaching tips, and even recipes. Call and mention the name Cornerstone, and you will receive a discount. Call 1-800-360-2732 or write to P.O. Box 7955, Auburn, CA 95604. The other magazine is called Birds-N- Bloom. I was very impressed. It is a secular magazine, but well worth the money. Call 1-800-344-6913. Their address is P.O. Box 5359, Harlan, IA 51593. ^ table of contents Angry Parents - Part III “ The entrance of Thy words giveth light.” Be angry and sin not; do not let the sun go down upon your wrath. I believe one of the greatest hindrances to answered prayer is anger between a husband and wife. I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands are to dwell with their wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto their wives as the weaker vessel, and as heirs of the grace of life, that their prayers be not hindered. The word hindered, in the Greek, carries the idea of a running athlete who steps in front of another runner, thus removing his opportunity for victory. Unrighteous anger is like cancer. Once it has paralyzed our relationship with our spouse, it then begins to block our forward motion in our parenting. “When angry, the human heart is laid out on the table with nowhere to hide. Its presence is easy to see. It is an attitude of judgment, condemnation, and displeasure at others or things. It shows up in accusatory or sarcastic words, curses, exaggerations, gestures, hitting, disgusted sighs, walking out of the room, threats, flaring nostrils, and glaring looks of disgust. You DO anger, with ALL that you are and the effects are patently bad: broken relationships, health problems, and misery. The plot thickens. Unrighteous anger, like other sins, rarely stands alone. It is often woven deeply into other personal problems. Often anger and fear are close cousins." When we witness a near accident involving possible harm to our children, we are relieved that they were unharmed, but for some reason, we begin to express anger toward their error in judgment. This is a clear indication that anger and fear reside deep within your heart. Our desire is to keep our children safe, but our angry words do greater harm than physical injury. Sticks and stones may break bones but words will destroy relationships. "Anger takes many forms. Some express it and then get over it; others keep it bottled up and let it stew; others go on a rampage for days, raising their voices, while others refuse to speak. Some make guerrilla strikes out of nowhere, while others use anger to intimidate and control others. All are evidences of sinful anger. Anger arouses us to attack or discredit that which we find displeasing. It is a self-contained judicial system, reacting to perceived wrong with energy. This type of anger is not always sinful. Anger that moves us to protect our family from an intruder is obviously healthy." Again, we must evaluate our anger in the light of whether it is intended to restore relationships or if it is a reaction to our own fears and insecurities. It has taken twenty years as a Christian to understand how blinding and self deceiving anger can be. If anger and fear reside in our souls, we must come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. It is at His feet that we must humbly bow. There He will gently lift us with the tenderness and compassion for which we so earnestly long. Let us turn to those we have wronged and confess our faults, while opening our arms in total abandonment of self. Finally my friends, let us ask God to do whatever it takes to change us into His likeness so that we can truly be the “shepherd” of our children’s hearts. Note: Many of the insights on anger were acquired through David Powlison’s article on Understanding Anger, The Journal of Biblical Counseling, Vol. 14, #1, Fall 95. (Don’t miss the July-August conclusion to Angry Parents.) ^ table of contents A Tribute to Mothers "Her children rise up and call her blessed." Following are excerpts from Mothers of Famous Men by Archer Wallis, (to be reprinted by Lamplighter Publishing). Doctor Samuel Johnson, who was probably the greatest English essayist, once wrote his mother: Dear Honored Mother, Neither your condition nor your character make it fit for me to say much. You have been the best mother, and I believe the best woman in the world. I thank you for your indulgence to me, and beg forgiveness of all that I have done ill, and all that I have omitted to do well. God grant you His Holy Spirit, and receive you to everlasting happiness, for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen. Lord Jesus receive your spirit. Amen. I am, dear, dear mother, Your dutiful son, Sam Johnson. "God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers." Jewish saying. "All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." Abraham Lincoln "I think it must somewhere be written, that the virtues of the mothers shall be visited on their children, as well as the sins of their fathers." Charles Dickens "I would desire for a friend the son who never resisted the tears of his mother." Lacretalle "A man never sees all that his mother has been to him till it’s too late to let her know that he sees it." W. D. Howells "A kiss from my mother made me a painter." Benjamin West "Even He who dies for us upon the cross, in the last hour, in the unutterable agony of death, was mindful of his mother, as if to teach us that this holy love should be our last worldly thought--the last point of earth from which they should take its flight for heaven." Longfellow Dear Mother, It is late at night, and I’m far away from home. My heart desires to be with you and to watch you enjoy your labors of love in your kitchen! Thank you for your wonderful example of committed love and joyful sacrifice. Other than Grandma, I have never known nor seen the likes of such a Christ-like servant’s heart. If there was anyone who ever fulfilled the roles of both Mary and Martha, I believe that I have found her. Thank you, Mom, for your prayers, your love, and your servant’s heart. Your loving son, Mark ^ table of contents