ISSUE 5 [Table of Contents] Introduction Mentoring Boys and Nurturing Girls God Meant It for Good Healing for a Wounded Marriage - Part II The Angry Parent - Part V Let God's Creatures Be the Teachers Introduction This has been a monumental year for Cornerstone Family Ministries and Lamplighter Publishing. A year ago, we were ministering to 400 families via our literature and newsletter. Today, the Lord has blessed us with 12,000 parents, pastors and teachers who are enjoying the blessings of this life-transforming literature. To the many who have contacted us and shared your excitement and your personal testimonies of how God has changed lives through the Rare Collector's Series, I rejoice. Our awesome God is certainly doing exceedingly abundantly above all that I could have asked or thought! My friends, along with the privilege I have to introduce you to godly literature, I am also aware of the responsibility of promoting literature that is biblically sound. By God's grace, I will maintain the highest standard. Your prayers and support are greatly appreciated, especially during this time of unprecedented growth. For those who are new to our ministry, we are a non-profit ministry; our mission is to strengthen Biblical family values through: Biblical Instruction — Biblical Literature — Biblical Role Models — Biblical Experience in Evangelism We are a faith ministry that will never solicit funds, but we will make our needs known so that God's people can prayerfully discern His will. There is no charge for the newsletter, but contributions do help offset the cost of production and mailing, which enable us to minister to those who are less fortunate. Most of our ministry can be found on our web site (www.agospel.com) which is updated monthly. Two ministry positions (head secretary and director of design and marketing) are still available. We are patiently waiting for God's timing. May the enclosed catalog and newsletter encourage you to walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. Now unto the King Eternal, Immortal, Invisible, the only Wise God, be honor and glory forever and ever, Amen. Mark Hamby ^ table of contents Mentoring Boys and Nurturing Girls One of the most transparent characters in the Bible was David. He was also a man after God's own heart. David certainly had his share of problems, but of all the characters in the Bible he was one of God's favorites. Allow me to take you back several thousand years and look closely at a boy's life and the preparation that allowed him to be one of the greatest kings to have ever lived. David was the youngest of seven sons. He was also the least likely to succeed in the eyes of men. While his older brothers were protecting the land from the Philistines, David was protecting his father's sheep. Can you imagine what he felt like? They were soldiers, and he, a shepherd boy. Certainly there was nothing glamorous about watching sheep. Oftentimes, it was the youngest child who watched his father's sheep. The lowliest job was usually passed down to the youngest child. Alone, David endured the elements and faced the fear of predators such as bear and lions. Perhaps the greatest frustration was that he was "stuck" watching sheep while everyone else was fighting the Philistines. Dads, what I am about to share is essential for you and your children to understand. You see, while David was submitting to his father's decision to shepherd the sheep, God was preparing a boy to be king! During those lonely days and nights, David learned to use his time wisely. Durring his wilderness experience, an obedient son became: an accurate marksman a skillful musician a courageous protector a gentle leader In Proverbs chapter one, David's son Solomon instructs his readers to know wisdom and instruction. The word for wisdom in the Hebrew is the word for "skill"; the word for instruction is "discipline". Wisdom, or skill, is obtained through a disciplined life of hard work and the wise use of one's time. Children will generally use their time wisely if parents arrange meaningful experiences and provide worthwhile resources. Parents, of course, need to set the example by redeeming the time. Parents who allow their children to indulge in excessive time wasters not only suppress their children's creativity, but stunt their children's potential to excel in their God-given skill. I believe that God has gifted each of His children with at least one skill that can be developed into a mastery skill and used both for his livelihood, service to God, and to others. Allow me to use myself as an example. I can't even build a bird house. My father is skillful in many areas. Growing up, he tried and tried to develop skill after skill in me, and nothing seemed to fit. I can't imagine his frustrations. The only thing that I did well as a child was to tell stories. In fact, my mother always exclaimed, "Mark, you're always telling stories!" So what do you do with a child who loves adventure, loves to run in the woods, loves to pick up rocks in the stream and catch crayfish, and loves to make up all kinds of stories? Provide opportunities. Encourage him to develop his God-given gift. Arrange story-telling opportunities at the library, at school, or at church. Find stories that he could memorize and dramatize so that when he told his story, he would tell it like no other. Begin to develop both his skill and his confidence. Remember to provide a variety of experiences in order to discern which is the child's natural interest or tendency. The cousin of interest is aptitude. The word aptitude comes form the Latin root meaning "tendency." This natural tendency, or interest will lead to the discovery of one's God-given talent. For example, if a child is gifted in music, then it is essential that we provide a variety of musical experiences and opportunities to play several instruments. Too often children begin with piano lessons and never experience another instrument. Oh, how will you pay for all of this? I believe that we always seem to find the money we need to do the things that we value most. If we value our children's development, then we will hold nothing back and will sacrifice if need be. Lastly, we must not overprotect our children. Courage is usually a byproduct of skillfulness. David was out in the wilderness where he had to face a lion and a bear. He understood that God was with him, and he was confident that his skill was greater than their threat. Allowing your children to experience a variety of difficult challenges in life is often difficult for parents. This is where trust comes in. If God is truly the Father and we are only caretakers of His children, then we need to learn to let go. Parents who prayerfully ask God to give them direction in this area of skill development will experience God's full cooperation. There is no one more desirous to see one's gift developed to its fullest than the One who gave it. And God makes no mistakes. He has designed your children to be a part of your home for a specific reason. In David's case, his submission to his father's will gave him the opportunity to become skillful in areas that prepared him to become king. There is a dual responsibility here: a parent's involvement by providing opportunities and a child's commitment to the task.. It is time for children of light to rise up and become wiser than the children of darkness. Recommended Reading: I'll Be With You Always, Joni Eareckson Tada Raising a Modern Day Knight, Robert Lewis The Triumphant Teen Audio, Mark Hamby ^ table of contents God Meant It for Good Each of us can look back on our childhood and recall some good and some bad experiences. Some may even have been abusive. Whatever your experience, though it may have been intended for evil, God meant it for good. Does this mean that He planned for you to experience abuse? Of course not. God is not responsible for sin, for in Him is no darkness at all. But God does allow his children to experience severe trials that are necessary to develop and prepare His children that will one day help to deliver others. Moses, Joseph and Esther are prime examples. Moses was given up by his parents to be raised in a godless environment, where killing children was the current practice. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and actually sold to be a slave in a foreign country. He was not only a slave, but also a prisoner, when he tried to avoid an adulterous situation. Can you imagine growing up during those twenty years, knowing that your own brothers did this to you? Can you imagine the type of influence that he was up against in prison? And then there was Esther, a godly, beautiful, virgin girl, forced to marry an unsaved polygamist! Lord, what possible good could come out of this? Well, first, Moses' heathen step-parents educated him so well that he became the only Hebrew in that day able to write so skillfully that God would use Him to record the first five books of the Bible. His forty years in the wilderness as a shepherd were preparing him to lead a nation out of slavery. We all know the story of Joseph. Poor boy. Abused, betrayed, enslaved and betrayed again. Yet God meant it for good_and he understood that! This is important. Joseph understood that God was in control and was preparing him to deliver his betrayers, both his family and the Egyptians. The same was true for Esther. She understood that God had placed her in this situation at precisely this time in history, when she would be God's instrument to save her people. Isn't it interesting that all three characters were used by God to deliver others. Though it took Moses a little longer to understand God's purposes; when he finally sorted it all out eighty years later, he became the greatest leader and deliverer in world history! My friends, God has a design for each of our lives, and He makes no mistakes. Most of you have children who will never experience the depth of trials that you have just read about. But some may! It is your responsibility to teach them at an early age that God always intends it for good--regardless of the circumstances. The depth of trials encountered at an early age I believe, is in direct proportion to the divine appointment that God has for each of us. The greater the trial, the greater opportunity you will have to deliver others. Recommended Reading: The Inheritance The Lamplighter Tale of Three Kings ^ table of contents Healing for a Wounded Marriage - Part II A Blessing or A Curse? The need to be unconditionally loved and accepted is, in my view, the most powerful instinctive desire within mankind. For example, an elderly individual without family and friends is more likely to die after major surgery than one who is loved and needed. We, as well as our children, are in constant pursuit of loving relationships. Patriarchal Jacob, preoccupied with insecurity from childhood, sought his father's acceptance and approval so much that he took advantage of his brother, and later resorted to deceit. Can you imagine children lying or selfishly manipulating siblings to gain approval from mom or dad? Yes, indeed, one of the main reasons one resorts to lying is to avoid disapproval. In Jacob's case, both mom and dad were blind to their lack of unconditional acceptance toward their children. Rebecca, despising Esau's "earthly" tendencies, showed obvious contempt for her son. Isaac, favoring the outdoor nature of Esau, caused not only insecurity for Jacob, but a conflict in his marriage. So how can we avoid repeating these destructive tendencies in our marriages and parenting today? First, it is essential that we do not confuse a rebellious spirit with a child's "cry" for unconditional acceptance or a "cry" for mom and dad to have a secure, loving relationship. I believe that the unraveling of a child's security is linked directly to a breakdown in marital relationships. A healthy marriage provides a security which allows children and adolescents to grow uninhibited without the strain and emotional trauma of trying to be accepted at home. Marriages in constant conflict, where anger and wrath are not settled before the setting of the sun, cause children to believe that they are the cause of the conflict which leads to their sense of loss of acceptance. Even in homes where there is an appearance of stability, children can sense whether or not mom and dad have a healthy relationship, which is the foundation for their security. Now what does acceptance really look like? As I stated in the previous newsletter, the Hebrew word for acceptance is imbedded in the word grace. And grace can be defined as unconditional forgiveness which is demonstrated by outstretched arms. The demonstration of grace not only builds relationships but is the foundation for the blessing which is the second most important aspect in relationships. The Hebrew word for "blessing" (brk) is identical to the Hebrew word for "curse" (brk). The only way to distinguish the meaning is by the context. One of the reasons for this similarity is because there is a fine line between a blessing and a curse. A life that is lived under the influence of the curse is a life that is controlling, dominating and manipulating. Most conflicts in marriage and parenting are the result of this influence of the curse. The blessing, on the other hand, has its focus on unconditional commitment to honor and endow with power in order to make one successful. There has been much written about the "blessing", but too often it has been confused with "grace"--unconditional acceptance. The blessing must first be demonstrated in our marriages if its influence is to filter into our children's lives. Husbands who place the highest value on their wives and then provide the means to make their wives successful by honoring (lifting up in the presence of others), nurturing (providing the time, resources and finances for her to grow and mature physically, emotionally and spiritually) and protecting (providing the security of a home and staying out of financial bondage) are living the blessing. Peter teaches us that we are to honor our wives as unto the weaker vessel. Remember, the weaker vessel carries the idea of finely wrought porcelain. Our wives need to be seen as a cherished vessel that is given the highest place of honor and protection in our homes. The wife who experiences this type of relationship knows that she has been truly "blessed." On the other hand, husbands who are controlling, dominating and manipulating are living the "curse". The same is true for a wife. A controlling, dominating and manipulating wife has fallen under the influence of the "curse." To live under the influence of the "blessing," you must do him good and not evil all the days of his life and then he will have no need of gain (Proverbs 31). In other words, a husband who has a wife's blessing doesn't need much of anything else! And the ones who receive the greatest reward are our children. They receive a double blessing. They see the blessing modeled in the lives of mom and dad, and receive the benefits as mom and dad are committed to prepare them for life and godliness. ^ table of contents The Angry Parent - Part V " Fathers provoke not your children to wrath." The word "fathers" in the Greek is actually the word for parents. This word covers parents and teachers alike. The word "provoke" comes from the root word "exasperate". When words are spoken harshly, they are received as rottenness to the bones. Harsh words offend like the taste of rotten fish. Horrible, isn't it? So what can we as parents do? First, we need to recognize and admit that we have a struggle with anger. Ask those who know us best—to hold nothing back and tell us what they really see in us. Once you begin to recognize your tendency toward unrighteous anger, you need to develop a plan to accompany God's grace. Righteous anger is always accompanied with a plan and a desire for restoration. A plan for restoration requires self-sacrifice. Righteous anger is thought through and purposeful in its accomplishments. The plan is quite simple. Allow your anger to clearly express your opposition to sinful behavior, not personal inconvenience. Then through your mercy, provide the tenderness and compassion that is needed to draw those you love back to yourself and to God. Recommended Reading: Families Where Grace is in Place Bound By Honor Tale of Three Kings Tell Me The Promises The Basket of Flowers ^ table of contents Let God's Creatures Be the Teachers Away in a Manger Did you ever wonder why the shepherds were the first ones to receive the announcement of Jesus' birth? In Luke 2:8-20, an angel announced to a group of shepherds who were keeping watch of their flocks by night, that a Savior had been born. To authenticate this announcement, the angel gave the shepherds a sign. The baby would be wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger, or feeding trough. The idea of finding a newborn in a feeding trough would certainly be remarkable, to say the least. Not only did the shepherds make haste to see for themselves, but after they saw the babe, they made known abroad that a Savior had been born. The announcement to the shepherds was purposeful, for these were not just ordinary shepherds. These were the shepherds who guarded the temple sheep that were reserved for sacrifice. Isn't it ironc that temple shepherds were the first to see the babe in a feeding trough? These shepherds were viewing the very last sacrificial lamb—the Lamb that would end all temple sacrifice. In fact, they were beholding the Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world. ^ table of contents