Laziness #1, by Mark Hamby
Here’s an article that I am sure will get some attention. "A lazy child is so contemptible" (Fenelon), especially if he continues in his laziness into his teen and adult years. A slothful person, according to Solomon, "will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing. "
Lazy children are filled with excuses. One of the most outrageous excuses is illustrated in Proverbs 22:13: "The slothful man saith, ‘There is a lion outside; I shall be slain in the streets.’" Now that might be stretching it a bit, but lazy children and even adults, can come up with the lamest excuses. What are the reasons for childhood laziness? Is laziness the result of biological, environmental or cultural influences, or just plain old sinful and selfish behavior? The answer is yes to all. Before we begin to blame and punish however, we need to make sure that lazy behavior is not the result of depression or other biological or emotional factors. Parents who are authoritative, dominating, and controlling, always demanding more than is necessary with little or no positive acknowledgment, can indeed produce depressed children. Laziness associated with this type of parental influence needs the intervention of a Biblical counselor. The counselor, however, is not as much for the child as for the parent.
It is only by the grace of God that my children did not become clinically depressed. In my zeal to build their character and instill a persevering work ethic, I often demanded too much. It didn’t seem to hurt my father’s generation, so I purposely gave them every "opportunity" to work.
While my children were still preschoolers, we left the hectic life of ministry and moved to a farm. We had 22 horses, 70 sheep, and 250 acres of hay to mow, bale, and store in the barn. When my daughter Jennifer was seven, she was carrying buckets of feed to the sheep, and throwing, or should I say rolling, bales of hay to the horses. Jonathan, my firstborn, received the brunt of my overbalance. He was driving a tractor at age 10 and stacking hay most of his childhood. I thought that if my children could just grow up like the "Little House on the Prairie" days, then laziness would not even be in their vocabulary!
So, you’re wondering, are they lazy? Not a lazy bone in their bodies, unless they work for me! That’s right. They will work themselves to the bone for anyone but me. When I have work for them to do, it is common for me to hear them say, "There’s a lion outside, or "Its snowing in June", or "I have a test I need to study for..." Why this attitude toward me? Because work was not really a teaching time; it was an end in itself. I had created a lifestyle that was so demanding that it resulted in hostility and a natural defense against oppression. I had a good heart and my motives were noble, but my methods were terribly wrong and harmful.
God made children to be children; small chores for small children, always in proportion to their age and development and never more than one at a time, which confuses and leads to frustration. I can clearly remember my authoritative assignments, always with a grave and serious attitude: "I want you to do this, and when you’re done, do that, and after that, take this pail over there, and after that, come back to me so I can give you more to do...." Their efforts were not appreciated the way they needed to be and it was never enough. How sad.
If you have a child that appears lazy at home, but will work his/her heart out for someone else, then the problem is most likely not with the child, but with the parent.
To overcome this strained relationship, a wise parent will reduce the amount of chores and even begin to help the child by working alongside him/her - always with a smile and a supportive and cheerful spirit. Fenelon, in "The Education of a Child" wrote, " a parent whose eye is ever upon their child, who is constantly scolding, thinking they are fulfilling their educative role in pardoning nothing, will oppress their child, especially those parents who place the family concerns upon them; all of this only torments and discourages...Be careful not to fatigue him with indiscreet exactness...We should be ever careful to make them clearly comprehend what we require of them, and with what we shall be content; for if you do not inspire them with an habitual joy and confidence, their minds will become clouded, and their courage fail...We should always encourage them in their work, and never pretend to subject them by a dry and absolute authority...and should we have anything distressing or difficult to propose, forget not to comfort him with the assurance that a little trouble will be followed by unspeakable satisfaction." What wisdom!
