Mentoring Boys, by Mark Hamby
Several months ago I read the book Raising A Modern Day Knight, and it served as the instrument that God would use to make significant changes in my thinking and actions as a husband and father. The seven characteristics of manhood have served as the catalyst that gave birth to the following: a real man of God is someone who has:
- A Will to Obey
- A Work to Do
- A Woman to Love
Before I reveal the last four foundational principles to manhood, allow me to address the significance of the first three. Jesus came to do the will of His father, the work of the cross, and the woman to love—the Church.
A Will to Obey
This is the very first characteristic that a child picks up from his dad. The way a father obeys authority figures over him is always caught rather than taught. Our children are watching and listening, especially to our relationships with the church staff, our co-workers, neighbors and our spouse. Much of what they see and hear lays the foundation for a submissive or rebellious spirit for the rest of their lives.
A Work to Do
Most men do not enjoy their work. One of the reasons for this is that they are not using their God-given talents, abilities, and gifts to their fullest potential. It is possible that they have not yet identified these talents. As a result, these talents remain latent and untapped. These men go through life without purpose or meaning. They often immerse themselves in hobbies because of their low self esteem. Men, it is never too late! Begin praying that God will reveal His divine purpose for your life. If the answer does not come immediately, do not give up—pray without ceasing and persevere. God may just be testing you, to see how serious you are in this pursuit.
You must be willing to take a step in faith, for without faith it is impossible to please God. However, do not confuse faith with stupidity. Faith never endangers our family or steps outside the boundaries of God’s Word. Seek out godly counsel. Talk with your pastor and several other godly men whom you respect. Through prayer, counsel, circumstances, and diligent searching through God’s Word, you will be led in the direction of His will. Do not force the issue. It will come naturally. Our God is our Father and desires what is best for His children. He does not desire to confuse us.
The earlier these decisions are made the better. If you are dissatisfied with your work, however, make sure that your change in direction is not to get out of an unpleasant situation. It was God’s will for Joseph to be in prison, for Paul to be in prison, for Daniel to be in the den of lions, and for Jesus to die upon a cross. Please, do not misunderstand me. I am referring only to the relationship of your talents/abilities to your work. The stress, the environment, or the difficulty has nothing to do with this pursuit. The fact is that too many Christian men are not using the talents that God has given them. Therefore, they become frustrated with their work, deny their children of their heritage, and rob the church of untapped talents that are so desperately needed.
A Woman to Love
Out of these first three foundational principles of manhood, I believe the third is the most important and most difficult to implement. Simply, our relationship with our wife is an indicator of our relationship with Jesus Christ. If we would begin to realize that one of our most important responsibilities in life is to love our wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, God would begin to transform our families in a most miraculous manner.
Another problem is that we crowd too much into our lives. Early in our marriage, relationships begin to be strained. Children are born, and somehow we feel left out. We begin to focus on our work and our hobbies, and we neglect what is most important—our relationship with the wife of our youth.
If we truly desire to be conformed to the image of God, then we need to love and care for our wives better than we care for ourselves! I don’t know why, but it took me seventeen years before I began to understand this principle of loving my wife more than I loved myself. I can blame it on immaturity, blindness, and selfishness. Regardless of the reason, my love for self was greater than my love for my wife. This is sin—plain and simple. Things really didn’t change until I began to pray, “God, do whatever it takes to change me into your likeness.” The only problem with praying such a prayer is that you’d better be prepared to be stretched beyond your wildest imagination. Remember: “God is faithful, who will not allow you to tempted above which you are able, but will with the temptation always make a way to escape that you may be able to bear it.” No matter how frustrating it may get, allow these circumstances to change you. Place no expectations on your wife. Do not desire to change so that she will change. That will take place in God’s timing. Allow God to change you as you begin to focus on one of your most important responsibilities in life: Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.
The last four foundational principles that are an integral part of Christian manhood concern the fact that a real man of God:
- Rejects Passivity
- Accepts Responsibility
- Leads Courageously
- ...And Expects the Greater Reward for Doing So
I would highly recommend all men to read the book or listen to the audio tapes regardless of the age of their children or their children’s gender.
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