Mercy Will Help You Find Grace
Mr. Hamby,
Yes, I read Families Where Grace Is In Place several years ago and I hate to admit it but it just didn't make sense to me. I didn't understand it. I sort of got the concept of grace but I couldn't figure out how to put it in practice. I was brought up in pretty legalistic Baptist churches. I had not heard of grace as you teach it until maybe 11 years ago. Our present pastor teaches grace, in fact the name of our church is Grace Fellowship, but he doesn't dwell on it. I think the legalism is so ingrained in my thinking I just have a hard time with the whole concept of grace. I tend to be a very concrete thinker and sometimes don't think outside the box real well. I did get that book out the other night and skim through it again after I saw it on your web site. It makes a little bit more sense now but what we've learned from you I understand much better. I think you should write a book on grace... and give plenty of examples and practical applications for people like me!!!
Now for my next question. On the phone you said if I didn't learn to express my emotions I would eventually rebel against either my husband or my kids. Did I get that right? The marriage counselor my husband and I went to basically told me the same thing, but I sort of ignored him and he sort of let me. I guess hearing it twice from two totally different Christian counselors has convinced me it must be true and I better get to work on it. Can you elaborate on what you meant? You said something about I had never gone through a period of rebellion. I feel like I do say what I feel when it is appropriate. Sometimes there is no point in saying things that don't matter and can not be fixed. A few verses... Proverbs 10:19-"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 21:23- "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." James 1:19- "My dear brothers take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." What am I missing? Am I taking verses out of context?
Thank you for answering questions that I have been wondering about for a long time.
Please Help.
Dear Friend:
Your letter was quite timely. This morning I prayed and asked the Lord if it was time to write the book he has placed on my heart. I have delayed this project for years because I wanted to make sure that my teaching matched my life. Just a few minutes after praying that prayer, I read your email. All in God's good timing.
Concerning the stuffing of your emotions which will lead to eventual rebellion, it is easy to understand. If you blow into a balloon, eventually the balloon will explode. You can't keep stuffing your emotions inside of you or it will either come out in rebellion or depression. Actually both are equally bad. The one destroys others and the other destroys you. Only the truth can set you and your family free. The verses you quoted were excellent. They are words to be practiced and treasured. However, if your silence enables others to continue in patterns of sinful behavior, then you do more harm than good. So my friend, you need to start practicing some healthy patterns of behavior. This will not come easily but you must through fervent prayer and transformed thinking, start practicing biblical forms of speaking the truth in love. For example, you have lived with an angry husband for years. Your husband would be the first to admit this. Women today are led to believe that they are just to take it and submit. This is not what is taught in the Word. I don't know how you deal with your frustrations today, but I would imagine that you did a lot of stuffing in the past. If you did, then one of my questions would be concerning your health. Do you suffer from episodes of depression or anxiety? If you don't then it likely, that you indeed are handling your emotions in a Christ-like manner. However, when you stated that you get angry with your son, this is a sign of unresolved inner turmoil. Let's talk more about this in the next email.
Understanding grace is quite easy but very difficult to practice. Grace is simple an unconditional acceptance of other. This unconditional acceptance looks very "attractive." It doesn't make someone feel guilty, but forgiven. Grace can be demonstrated by outstretched arms. This is both the position for acceptance and crucifixion. The only way you can truly begin to express grace is to first be immersed in it yourself. This is why God says that it can be found freely and fully at the Throne of Grace. It is here that God requires us to come boldly. You have to want his grace more than anything. Then he says that this will enable us to obtain mercy (first for ourselves) which helps us find grace in our time of need. Did you hear that? Mercy helps us find grace. I like to picture them as two beautiful ladies. Mercy is actually the daughter of Grace. In order to find Grace who will make you feel so at home and guilt-free, you must first find her daughter Mercy. You should read this verse over and over again in Hebrews, I think chapter 4. Let me go over it again. Before you can find Grace (the life changing grace of God), you must first find Mercy. Why do you think you need mercy first? Because, when you express mercy to those around you, you then open the door to respond to you in grace. Don't give others what they deserve (mercy), and God in turn Gives you what you don't deserve. But first you must exercise MERCY! Read also Micah 6:8. I shared this with your husband, but in the book of Hosea he says, "The people without understanding are ruined." You need to have your mind transformed with God's thoughts. As you grow in His thoughts, your ways will change, which will eventually lead to relational changes. This will not take place over night. There will be times when you will feel like you are going backwards, but as you practice God's thoughts and ways, miraculously you and your family will change.
Stay in touch, trust God, don't let Him go,
Isaiah 55.
Mark
