Restoring Relationships

by Mark Hamby

 

Picture a stool with three legs. Remove one and the stool will fall. Likewise, strong relationships require three foundational supports:

1. Forgiveness/repentance
2. Respect
3. Trust

When one is removed, the relationship “needs fixing.” To restore a relationship, it is essential that all three supports are rebuilt, for when one is broken the others are weakened as well. This process takes time. It takes time for forgiveness and repentance to be lived out. Respect is cultivated over time, especially when the offended one is reluctant to embrace forgiveness and trust. It is during this time of resistance that respect and trust are rebuilt. Building trust is a long-term project, and the offender must remain in a state of humility and committed love if the foundational structure is to be solid once again. The desire for immediate reconciliation can actually be a demonstration of selfishness, driving a greater wedge into the relationship.

 

These truths are revealed more clearly in I Chronicles 21, where we see God’s standard for leaders. King David violates his relationship with God in one of the most dramatic scenes in the Bible. After the initial stage of God’s judgment, David repents by saying, “I have sinned greatly in that I have done this thing. But now, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have acted very foolishly.” We often want a quick and easy resolve to our sin—especially in marriage.

 

God does not let David off the hook easily. In fact, David is given a choice of one of three punishments, none of which are appealing. There are consequences to sin. We shall reap what we sow. If we accept the God-given consequences and humble ourselves, God will lift us up. Time may be the very thing we need to prove that we have really changed.

 

 

 

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Dialogues of Fenelon

Chapter 8: Acceptance of God's Will

Bear all the annoyances of your present condition, which is full of inconveniences and discomfort, in a penitential spirit; these are the penances God assigns you, and far more useful than what you may choose for yourself. The best state to be in is that in which God’s hand holds you; do not look beyond it, and think only of accepting everything from moment to moment, in the spirit of self-denial and self-renunciation. But this acquiescence should be full of trust in God, who loves you more the less He spares you.

 

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

Lamentations 3:25-27

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Did You Know?

Henry van Dyke was a prolific writer of poetry, essays and narrative fiction. His numerous publications are filled with deep and thought-provoking works. Henry van Dyke’s book, The Mansion, was published in 1911. In the fall of 2005, Lamplighter Publishing chose to include this timeless work in the fifteenth set of our Rare Collectors Series. Van Dyke asks his readers to consider the efforts of this life and what the investment will yield for eternity. The main character, John Weightman, spends so much time trying to shape his son into what he thinks his son should be that he fails to let his son explore what God might want him to be.

 

Henry van Dyke’s most recognizable work is also one of the most inspirational and timeless hymns to be found in the modern hymnal of most churches today. While staying with a friend in western Massachusetts in 1907, Henry van Dyke penned the words that became the much beloved hymn, Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee. Of this hymn, van Dyke wrote:

 

These verses are simple expressions of common Christian feelings and desires in this present time—hymns of today that may be sung together by people who know the thought of the age, and are not afraid that any truth of science will destroy religion, or any revolution on earth overthrow the kingdom of heaven. Therefore this is a hymn of trust and joy and hope.

 

In 1873, at the age of 21, Henry van Dyke graduated from Princeton University. The following year he graduated from Princeton Theological Seminary. He pastored the Brick Presbyterian Church in New York City from 1883 until 1899 when he took a position as a professor of English literature at his alma mater. In 1913, van Dyke was commissioned as minister to The Netherlands and Luxemburg by President Woodrow Wilson where he skillfully championed the rights of Americans living abroad. He was living in The Hague during the opening days of the Great War and used his skillful pen to write a series of insightful and thought-provoking works of prose and poetry. In 1916, he resigned his position in Europe, and took on the role of chaplain in the United States Navy. As both a minister of his nation and a minister of God in heaven, Henry van Dyke was skillful, thoughtful, and tireless in his work. It is clear from the legacy of his work that he loved his Father in heaven with all his heart and that he truly cared about the welfare and good will of the people around him.

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Join Lamplighter in celebrating our great Father above and the life of Henry van Dyke whose works will point us to the majesty of the God that he served faithfully throughout his life. We would like to help you be a blessing to the special men in your life. The Mansion from Lamplighter Publishing will make a wonderful and enduring gift for fathers of every stage of life. God has used this book to make deep and lasting changes in the lives of readers. As you read this story, you will see God open John Weightman’s eyes to the treasures that he was sacrificing for temporal wealth and reputation. What will God use to open your eyes? Let us share with you just one of many testimonies that reveals the value of this book:

 

I just finished The Mansion. It was a quick read, a good read, a thought-provoking read. I was reminded again of the need to equip our children to go forward in their own lives. They need the freedom to fail as well as to succeed. I think too often it is easier to fear their possible failures instead of seeing their potential for success. Letting go of my expectations for a son can happen as I embrace his dreams, goals and plans. This seemed to be an undercurrent in the book, or maybe it is simply where I'm at as three of my sons are now in the armed forces of the United States...not what I expected, but what I now choose to embrace for their sakes. The book contained a strong message: what are my treasures that I've invested in, where have I invested in the past, and what am I to invest in now?

 

Allow us to leave you with a final poignant thought from Henry van Dyke. This poem was published in Edmund Clarence Stedman’s An American Anthology, 1787–1900 in 1900.

 

Four Things

Four things a man must learn to do

If he would make his record true:

To think without confusion clearly;

To love his fellow man sincerely;

To act from honest motives purely;

To trust in God and Heaven securely.

 

Order the book today!

Price: $13.00
Written: 1887
Pages: 80

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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