Stuffing Emotions
Mr. Hamby,
First of all I am very excited to hear about your up-coming book on grace. I'll be first in line to get a copy, or can I pre-order an autographed copy now??
Secondly, I have done a lot of thinking about your last email and God has shown me I do have a problem with stuffing of emotions. I didn't want to admit it, but I can't deny the evidence. You asked if I have depression. My husband has said I act depressed at times for several years. I just chalked it up to living with a controlling, angry alcoholic. At that time anything I said was the wrong thing to say so I stopped talking much at all (at least when he was around). He interpreted that as depression. I sound like I am blaming, which I guess I am, but where do I go from here?
Please be gentle with me. This is painful. Its bringing out old hurts that I thought I had forgiven him for but from my reaction I guess I have just stuffed and not forgiven and forgotten.
Concerned Wife
Dear Concerned Wife:
This has more to do with healing than forgiving. You never want to forget. Otherwise you will be vulnerable to repeat old hurts. We are getting into areas that I do not feel equipped. If I try to counsel outside of my areas of study, I think that I could do more harm than good. Now that you are more open however, I will give you advice as a friend not a counselor. There are two ways to approach husbands like me and yours. My wife took the approach of being strong, confrontational, and escaping. This worked, though I hated every minute of it. Her strength forces me to deal with my sinful behavior. I still hate this approach, but it has worked and probably helped me more than the next approach I will speak of. The next is the Lamentations approach, as I call it. If you spend some time reading Lamentations chapters 1 through 3, you will find some amazing insights. Giving your cheek to the smiter is one of the principles. This approach, is basically dying to self so that God can live through you. It requires you to spend a significant amount of time in the "dark" allowing God to meet your deepest need. I hope I am wrong, but my guess is that you are a little numb in the "feeling" area. I could be wrong, and tell me if I am. But, what you have been through, I would expect that your feelings are not totally operational. If this is true, then it is possible that your relationship with Christ is the same--a little "numb." Again, I hope I am wrong. If correct, then you would find it difficult to cry out to God and wait and even wrestle with Him until He met your unmet longings. Email is difficult because of the lack of dialogue. But this should be something to start with. Lamentations is an awesome portion of Scripture. You should read these chapters from different translations. Mark them up and let God speak to your heart. Counseling is good, but God is much better! He is the answer. All of the answers to life are found in our relationship with Jesus Christ. He will settle for nothing less than all of us! And someday, we will talk more about this where there will be no sorrow or sadness. Oh may the day come quickly! (ps. I don't want you to think that I am trying to sell you books when I recommend them, because I do not make any money on the books that our ministry offers, but there is a book that I would like you to read. It is called the Hidden Hand. My wife and I read it, and we laughed for hours! Not only with the book make you laugh, it is also a very powerful reminder of God's Hidden hand in our lives. The book is a real God-send).
Mark
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