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The Prayer that Changed My Husband, Marriage, and Me
Hey Mark,
Thanks again for coming down and blessing our group. Our family loved spending time with you and Debbie and we'd love to have you any time. Here is the story you wanted about forgiveness. Right after our last child was born, I was very hormonal and needy. I was trying to take care of our now, six children, and because of our tight financial situation, my husband was very detached emotionally and spent lots of time in front of the TV. This caused me to be really upset until a friend pointed out to me how stressed R____ was, and
that I needed to think of him too. I tried to get off of my self-pity trip and began to think of how he felt. At that point, the Lord began to take me down a journey of forgiveness that would one day revolutionize our marriage. From then on, whenever my husband would do
something that really hurt my feelings, or when he would ignore me, I began to forgive him because I knew it was the right thing to do, and; after all............God said,"Vengeance is mine; I will repay". So I was safe, knowing that all I had to do was forgive my husband and then trust that God would "get" him at the proper time. We continued on like this for a few months as the Lord was slowly training me. It was difficult, but the knowledge that God
would "get" him made it a lot easier. One day, as I was applying my makeup, I began thinking of the offense my husband had committed against me just that day. So, once again, I began my little ritual of forgiving him the way I had been doing. But........this day, as I prayed to forgive him, the Lord said to me that He wanted me to ask Him to forgive my husband so that the offense would be totally wiped away. Inside, I gasped in my spirit, and thought, 'No way......that's not fair!!' Then the Holy Spirit spoke these words to me,......."He whose sins you remit, they are remitted." What was that? I had never heard that verse before; certainly never memorized it. Why, I hadn't even used a King James Bible in 15 years!!! (This verse is found in John 20:23. The word remit in the Greek means
to "send forth, put away, set aside, leave alone")
I couldn't believe God was asking me to do this. The reason I had been willing to forgive before was because of the assurance that R____ would be held accountable for the things he had done to me. But now, this meant that his sins against me would be totally wiped away. I struggled with it for a long time, and God reminded me of Stephen's prayer for the Pharisees as he was being stoned.
So, finally, I prayed, "God, as an act of my will.........I choose to forgive R____, and I ask that you forgive him, and not hold this sin to his account". Whew.......that was hard. That was the first time. I thought I wouldn't have to do it anymore. The next time there was an offense against me, the Lord came to me again, and let me know that He wanted me to pray that same prayer. So I did that day, and the next time, and the next time. This went on for several on this and it never got any easier. Satan would be right there whispering in my ear, "your husband is such a jerk, can you believe he did that?" On and on. Many days I would
have to go through the routine ten times because the memory would get stirred up again. So, over and over I would have to pray, "God, as an act of my will, I choose to forgive R____, and I ask You to forgive him, and not to hold this sin to his account."
One day, after several months, I realized that my husband seemed really different. While he had always been a fairly good husband, there were lots of my emotional needs that he wasn't meeting and when I would ask him, he would just say, "That's not my nature", or basically, that's not who I am. Yet, I noticed that he was becoming all those things that I had been longing for and it was wonderful. After a few months, R____ shared with me that one day sitting in church, as the pastor was preaching, he happened to throw out the verse "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation, behold, old things have passed away, and all things have become new." He said that the Holy Spirit had spoken to him and told him that if he really was a Christian, then his old nature had passed away and that he could no longer use that excuse for not meeting my needs. That's what had caused him to change. I thought that was pretty cool. The most awesome thing, though, was a few weeks later
when the Lord reminded me of all those months I had been forgiving R____ and asking God not to hold his sins to his account. He let me know that through the process of my totally releasing my husband, God had been able to get through to him, and pierce his heart and cause him to change. In the spirit realm, when we hold unforgiveness toward another person, it not only holds us in bondage, somehow it puts some kind of a shield between him and the Holy Spirit which causes God's work to be hindered in that person's life. Maybe this is what Peter meant when he talks about a husband and wife "being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers not being hindered.") I Pet. 3:7. As I had asked God to not hold R____'s sins against him, it had destroyed any shield or wall that had kept out the spirit of conviction in his life. I had no clue that all those months of dying to myself ,and thinking how unfair it was that R_____ was never going to be judged for the ways he was treating me, were actually the key that opened the door to the incredibly sweet and loving husband that I have now. He treats me like a queen, and bends over backwards to meet my needs. I have had to use this same total forgiveness principle in several other relationships. In time, it has caused a turnaround in those relationships also. God's Word, and His ways do change our lives!
Forgiveness and the man in the moon!
Hey Debbie, How are you feeling? Did ya'll get any rest? Just thought you'd want to know that the day after I sent you the "forgiveness" story, the enemy levelled a huge torpedo at us, and my husband and I had a whopping, yelling and screaming fight, which we hardly ever do. It was pretty bad. But the worst part was that I no more wanted to walk in the forgiveness thing than the man on the moon. My heart was so hard. Finally, today, I had to ask two friends to pray for me that I could even get to the place of letting it go. Thankfully, God is faithful and I let the issue go, forgave him in my heart, and I think we are restored. Every time we come off of a close experience with God, I should be prepared for the attack, but I always forget and get blindsided!!!! The Lord used ya'll mightily while you were here. Please tell Mark that I am getting reports of all the good things God has done in different families. We appreciate y ou coming even though it was not a BIG conference. It was so much fun getting to spend time with you. I hope we can keep in touch occasionally. The girl from the restaurant, A____, never showed up at our church. Oh well.......... Lots of blessings, |
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